My subconscious is such a slut.

On the phone with Nadine earlier this week:

Jen: "Dude, I'm nervous."
Nadine: Ummm... isn't it like a YEAR AWAY?
Jen: No, spaz.
Nadine: What are you so nervous for already?
Jen: I don't know...
Nadine, in a completely serious tone: It's not like he's going to eat your face or anything. If anything, just think of it like that.
Jen: (Almost driving into a tree from laughing so hard.) That's the best advice EVER.


The past month or so I have been finding these audio tapes for guided meditation to listen to before I go to sleep at night. I really don't have a lot of time/space/quiet to meditate any more unless I'm going to bed. So I thought this would be a great idea. I found a handful that are really great and usually they are so relaxing and soul-soothing that they put me to sleep within the first 10 minutes.

Let me just tell you what I learned: I really need to listen all the way through these tapes before I use them at night...

I found this new one last week that claims to be ideal for when you are just about to go to sleep. It was labelled "Deep Sleep Guided Meditations" or something. It was about 45 minutes long. Spoken by some guy with quite a low, soothing voice. He even had a cool Australian accent which I thought was quite unique from any other meditation tape I've ever listened to.

So, I have been listening to this same tape for the past 4-5 nights right before I go to sleep. I always fall asleep around 10-20 minutes into the tape, after he has done the standard breathing and relaxing exercises. There is a point where he starts counting down from 10 and usually I never even make it past the entire countdown. Well, last night I did make it past the countdown... and I'm glad I finally did...

Because I found out that it gradually turns into a soft-core porno.

I mean, it's not like it was dubbed over or editted in anyway... it's the same guy, same voice, but he just suddenly goes from the standard meditation breathing and visualizing techniques to... uhm, those kind of visualizations. I mean, it's starts off almost innocently, with him going from 'relax' to 'let me just massage your neck' to well, you get the picture.

Uhm, I'm not going to go into details or anything, but suffice it to say I was horrified listening to this last night. And I have been listening to this while I am sleeping for the past 4-5 nights!!! That is unsolicited porn in my sleep, people. I feel so violated.

The moral: Always listen all the way through; the track may be severely mislabeled.

Dude, my subconscious is way traumatized...