Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Haven't never paid rent since.

Okay, remember how I said that my friend Echo and I were bored and put up a rather blunt profile on a random dating site? You don't? Ok then, well thanks for reading so closely. Anyway, surprisingly someone responded, although I wouldn't call it hate mail. First, check out her ad:

Looking for that perfect person that complements me, so we can bring out the best in each other. Here is what I am looking for: smart, handsome, honest, 24-27 yrs. old with no kids and little to no major baggage, no drugs and preferably a non-smoker, knows how to dress like normal human being, has his priorities straight with a job and a car and a place to live that is not his parents basement. This guy that complements me must have a great sense of humor and a nice ass. I am just being honest and hoping to get honest replies.

Like I said, pretty tame for the most part and nothing we said in her profile wasn't true, however we were anxiously awaiting to get some hate mail as a result of her bluntness. I guess guys actually appreciate honesty, who knew? Or they take one look at it and say to themselves, "Crap, this girl is nothing like my mother."

Now, here's the reply she got along with my comments. (Note: Names have been changed.)

Hello my name is Bob.

Hi Bob!

Your profile made me think twice about actually responding, but what the hell, nothing to lose.

Oh Bob, don't put yourself down. I'm sure you can lose lots of things... and lose them well.

To tell you the truth I graduated in 99 and moved to Omaha within the month and haven't never paid rent since. My boss wants to put me up in his basement for a while.

"haven't never paid rent since." Ok, no comment on that. But for those of you keeping score, that's almost 7 years of mooching to date. On a side note, if this guy starts his sentences with "to tell you the truth" then maybe he might get along with Echo afterall. But wait, let's remind ourselves of this: "haven't never paid rent since" OK, nevermind. Sorry I said anything.

I lived in Omaha and attended UNO for two years. I moved there [to Omaha] with my girlfriend from high school, so I didn't get into much partying and what not right away. Things didn't work out with her and I moved to MINN to attend University of Minnesota at Mankato. There I began to let loose and enjoy some of the things that I hadn't in Omaha.

Let loose? Uhm, are you referring to sex or drugs there, buddy? Let's be honest here.

After a short year there, I decided that I wanted to go to law school, and since there are only two in NE I choose the cheaper of the two, UNL. I lost interest in about a year...

Wow. 3 colleges. Who's paying for this, Bob? Is this why you have no money for rent? Jeez, nevermind about the honesty, man. Just lie lie lie.

...Had a couple restuaraunt jobs and then took this carpentrey job. It has been uphill ever since.

Well, I can tell your 3 colleges didn't teach you how to spell. But nonetheless, thanks for playing Bob.

6 comments:

Echo Jones said...

Okay, I know that I put the profile up to collect some laughs but I honestly thought that this profile would filter out the gramatically challenged. Well, obviously they all have nothing to loose including there dignaty.

So, I sit here just feeling even more helpless as I realize that there is less hope everyday that I could attract an nice guy. Even online I attract the homeless hobo's wanting a free dinner on my dime. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............What can I say I must be special.

Oh, and Jen I only say "I'll tell you the truth." when I have about 12 Miller Lites in my stomach.

Anonymous said...

LOL....Speaking of the gramatically challenged.....where was your dictionary today Miss Jones?

a) dignaty
b) dignity
c) diginaity
d) any of the above?

Sorry couldn't pass that one up!

B

Jen said...

Now ladies, let's not get into a war over spelling. Because I would whup you both.

Jen

Anonymous said...

One more thing....It's not that clear after 12 Miller Lites....It's not "I'll tell you the truth!"

It's more like...........

"Yaa waaannnna knnnnnnoooooooow the truth?!"..

"I tellya what...."

Later Girls...It's been fun!

B

Echo Jones said...

Ok! I do admit if I am going to bash others, I need to check my grammer. :)

OH! It is totally after 12 Miller Lites that I say, "I'll tell you the truth!" or "I'll tell you what!"

Jen, your right! I should reply to Bob. We would tell each other the truth.

nadine said...

Oh my JESUS