Sim Animals: shake your shit off edition

Okay, wtf Nintendo/EA? My wrist hurts. A lot.

The primary way to move forward in the game of Sim Animals for the Wii is to "wave your hand" (cursor) over everything. Which means I am gently shaking the Wiimote CONSTANTLY for the entire duration of play.

Which means, in 30 minutes I have unlocked a new Forest areas, a new animal, a new plant, and, oh yeah, CARPAL TUNNEL.

Am I playing this wrong, and if not, where the hell is the warning on this box about playing longer than 20 minutes? Let me just give you a rundown...

Play consists of:

• Shake wiimote over a bush and it will drop it's goods (berries, flowers, etc).
• Shake wiimote over animals who like you to give them lovin'.
• Shake wiimote over animals who don't like you to piss them off.
  
• Shake wiimote over the trees to drop pinecones, acorns, helicopter-seeds, etc.
• Shake it over the plants with butterflies above them to make them spit out a seed...
• ...then shake it some more over the spat-out seed to make it grow into a plant.
• Shake it over a tree for about 30 seconds straight to knock the tree down altogether.
• Shake it over the felled stump/trunk to create sticks.

Basically I am jacking off this entire forest. Men, how do you DO it!? I'm in PAIN!

Anti-social or intelligent?

I'll probably never sign up on Facebook or Myspace or any other social networking website. Do you know why? I don't think it's because I'm anti-social. Quite the contrary. I have friends and I like making new friends too. On my own terms... in R.L.

The truth is that I learned my lesson the first time. Why would I want to put myself back into an online rerun of high school? The people in high school were losers and jerks. I didn't like them 7 years ago and I doubt that much has changed. Why would I put myself through that again?

Adults who spend all their time on Facebook & MySpace fall into two categories: A. Insecure Attention Whores and B. People who didn't loathe high school and want to stay there forever and ever.

If I wanted to recycle shitty high school friends that I never liked in the first place, and pretend to give a crap about their lives again, I could just as easily dig out my yearbook and stalk them the old fashioned way - by hiding in the bushes in front of their houses or mailing them dead flowers or rodents. In fact, that might be more enjoyable than creating a MySpace account.

I voted today. I hope you all did the same. I also am having a bad week... work is really letting me down right now. And frankly things aren't going well right now in general. My dad got laid off a couple weeks ago and now my boyfriend got laid off too. I guess I could say that I blame the economy, but what's the use anymore? Too many people think everything is just peachy and are going to go ahead and vote in the G.W. Bush Clone and his extremely dimwitted sidekick.

There ought to be an IQ test before you are allowed to vote (or be nominated as V.P.)

Filling a hole.

Oh, you didn't realize that this blog was just filling a hole in a particular time in my life, and when something better came along I ditched this bitch?

Okay, well now you know.

I'm flighty and flaky and I rarely finish things I start. LOVE ME ANYWAY, DAMNIT! Closure is for the birds anyway. My mode of closure usually involves a bridge and some matches. :)

I hate to say it but if anyone cares to read or leave comments, don't be surprised or disappointed if I don't respond. Don't be surprised if this is the last entry for another year - who knows when I'll feel like writing again.

Everything is so beautiful right now... work rocks, the boyfriend rocks (we'll be 2 years in October!), and my friends seem happy and busy too. My family is good enough, maybe better than usual. It seems like it's all settling into place. This is what I wanted life to be like and I finally got here.

My last best friend is getting married November 1st - yes, that's Echo, my drinking buddy from college! She met a great guy named Dean and they're getting hitched! I'm a bridesmaid, too. I happen to be one of those people that just LOVES weddings, and especially being a part of a wedding. It's exciting to me to witness something so personal and passionate and special, made public for all to see and hear. This may be the last wedding I am a part of, since I am not planning on making any more best friends in my lifetime. It could happen, sure, but I'm pretty thrilled with the 3 I have.

I don't know if many know this, but almost 2 years ago when I first chatted with Corey (the boyfriend) online, I was actually chatting online to 4 other guys. I was signed up on a dating site and it just so happened that when it rained, it poured. When you're a geeky girl like I am, guys flock to you. Just mention video games or Star Wars or 3D modeling and they're excited.

I had 3 dates scheduled for the same weekend, each to meet 3 of the guys for the first time. Another was near asking me to meet too. I'd been chatting to Corey the most, in fact, we talked online every single day except for the days I went to Worlds of Fun with Echo. After a few weeks of chatting, I was beginning to think Corey would never want to meet - I thought maybe he wasn't as interested as I was. Finally, he did ask me to meet... on the same weekend I had 3 dates scheduled.

I just felt that he was too good to be true and I had to meet him FIRST... so I moved things around a bit to make it so I'd go out with Corey first that weekend. After we spent over 10 hours together on that first date, I canceled the others immediately.

I kinda felt like a bitch, in a way, even though I'd never even met these guys. I told them all I'd met someone else and that I was off the market. I always kind of wondered how things turned out for them. Why is it that you can be perfectly honest with someone and still feel like a jerk? Not that we would have definitely hit it off or anything, and I don't regret it, but I just kinda felt like... a guy.

So, I'm off to bed now. Maybe I'll write again sometime soon... maybe not. Who knows? I do miss writing, now that I'm sitting here doing it. I miss the useless diary-type blathering that I do so well.

P.S. I hope you all are voting this year. And by voting this year, I mean for Obama. Because any other vote would be a disgusting mistake. And speaking of disgusting mistakes, how's that Sarah Palin thing going, McCain?

Ohhhh.... too soon, John?

Can I get a witness?

Just to forewarn you, this post is about religion. So... you probably don't want to read it. Also, you don't want to take it too seriously or freak out on me after you read it. It's all my opinion and not fact... in case that wasn't blatantly obvious. Ok, thanks.

It's not that I have anything against religion. Actually I think it's a very nice thing as long as you're not psycho about it or a hypocrite about it. Sometimes (not often) I think it would be nice if I had a god or religion I believed in. My issue is that there seem to be a lot of zealots and hypocrites in the group, which of course you will find in any walk of life, but which is also perhaps one of the reasons I avoid religion all together. That's great and all, to be passionate about something, but there's passionate people and then there's blind ignorant sheep. Somehow I always get stuck dealing with the latter.

What the hell do you say to get someone off your back about religion and morality, without offending or alienating them forever?

There's a couple of very religious people I know, (and I won't mention what their religion is, because frankly it could be anything and their words/actions would still bother me. And I also won't mention the countless times I have witnessed astounding hypocrisy and ignorance from them), who insist on bringing up the subject of religion/morality on a daily basis. This isn't a situation I can walk away from, so it's really freaking inconsiderate and inappropriate.

When they asked me, I told them straight away that I was agnostic. I even had to explain the definition to them, because they had no idea. I find this is all too common that religious-zealots are completely ignorant of any and all other religions outside of their own herd of mindless sheep. It kind of amazes me that the people I meet who are most anti-religion are also the most well-read and self-educated about the many different religions in our world.

These people ask me about my personal life and then judge me on the morality of the decisions I make in my life.

I was most offended recently when they were, in casual conversation, asking me about my relationship with Corey. When I mentioned we were moving in together, they were appalled and even said they were "disappointed" in me because their religion tells them it's a sin to live under the same roof with someone before marriage. They said I would be living in sin until we were finally married.

First off, welcome to the 20th century, folks. Lots of people, devout or not, have SEX before MARRIAGE. How about we work on some more difficult issues here, like teen pregnancies and world hunger and animal cruelty and teen suicide and terrorists and serial killers and rapists.

Second, thanks for judging me. Next time keep your asshole opinion to yourself. If I'm not mistaken, I thought I read somewhere in that good old book that judgment should be made only by 'God' and you are supposed to stick you nosy ass somewhere else... Yeah I think those were the exact words.

Third, I'M NOT IN YOUR EFFING RELIGION. Why do you think that your rules apply to me when you know damn well that I'm not in your religion? You already KNOW I'm a GODLESS HEATHEN, so why are you still preaching to me? Do you think I'm going to give a shit? Do you think you're gonna say, "Oh my my! That is a sin!" and I'll reply, "You're kidding!?! Thank you for showing me the error of my ways. Oh good heaven above, I have been saved at last!"

Anyway, I'm just venting. Let's not make this a big deal, ok?

in other news...

Hello, blog?
It's me, Jen.

Are you still there?

...

(Yeah, I would be long gone by now too.)

I finally shut off What the Blog... made it private except to the other 2 admins and myself. It's closed until further notice, which is somewhere between forever and ever. Maybe I will miraculously find time to bring it back, but it's doubtful.

I really am sorry about the whole thing... it was a great idea but as usual I didn't stick to it. (Kind of like this blog.) I have trouble sticking to things sometimes.

Here's my news, to all those interested:

• Still working at the most awesome and time-consuming job ever. I love seeing my work online and in print every day. It rocks so much! Even on the days I'm at the office until 8 or 9 pm... oh yeah, and that one night I was there 'til midnight...

• I am still madly hopelessly wonderfully truly in love with that boyfriend of mine... our 1-year mark will be October 21st. It's kind of amazing to me that this blog witnessed the last year of my singledom, our first date almost a year ago, and now my life as it is with him in my life. The more I think about it, the more I realize how I've documented a huge milestone in my life just blogging for that one year. It's like a part of me knew I needed to have it written down. (Yes, parts of me are also sappy and insane now.)
  

• I got a NEW car. This awesome job I have pays me enough to live (who knew?) and breathe (wow!). Plus, my old car kept needing all these stupid repairs. So I thought, why the hell not? I got a 2007 Toyota Yaris, which came loaded with all the extras I wanted, and it's even the exact color I wanted. I wanted a hybrid, but I couldn't afford one, so I went with the next lowest gas mileage I could find. It's especially wonderful now that I commute so far to work every day.
  

• Still going to college to get my Bachelor's degree... even though I kind of hate it right now. The classes are too easy and boring, which makes me want to skip class and not do homework. And my classmates are all fresh-out-of-high school, no-talent, no-skill, skinny-bitch-girls. "Uhm, teehee, it's either graphic design, cosmetology, massage therapy, or nursing... I think I'll just flip a coin. Um wait... aren't there any 4-sided coins?"

• Recently reaffirmed my lack of faith. This sounds strange, I know, but I'm very glad I'm finally making some firm decisions with my religious beliefs. And my firm decision is: I don't have any religious beliefs.
  

• Of course, I'm still a vegetarian and, if anything, that in itself is my one true faith. I have seen a few documentaries lately on animal rights, and while I wouldn't recommend them to meat-eaters, I would be happy to recommend them to any veg*ians out there. Nadine recently went vegetarian and has been doing really well with it. Even though she says I was the initial influence, I know she came to this conclusion on her own. And that's the way it should be.

I'm writing in my blog to avoid doing my homework... so I guess I need to stop now and do it... I guess.

Ass hats at work: Cleavage Attack '07.

For those of you lovely readers of my bloggity blog that aren't already awesome... you need to go here and join what the blog!? and then participate in the ass hat awards, which is run entirely by your bestest blogger friends Tiffany, Mikala, and me (you don't need a link to me, you're already HERE!)

Here's my ass hat at work story for the Ass Hat Awards: Numero 3 "Ass Hats At Work"... I'm not eligible to win any awards since I'm a moderator, BUT if I were I think this little ditty would win the boobie-prize. HAHAHAHAHA, get it!?

Ok, read on and you'll get that horrible pun:

My boss called me and another girl about my age into his office last week. He's a very very old crotchety man with horrific social skills and zero consideration for others. He is constantly offending employees and even customers with his blunt, brash manner.

He starts off saying that we both do a good job with the customers, we do well at our work, and yadda yadda. Then...

boss: "I'm just gonna come right out and say this, because you know that I am an upfront kind of guy. I like to be straightforward with people."

other office girl and me nod, completely unaware.

boss: "Now, it's no secret that you young ladies are well-endowed on top..."

me, look of horror: "Uhm."

boss, continuing: "... and sometimes you gals wear tops that are too revealing given your... circumstances."

me: internal organs shutting down.

Just so you know, I do know the difference between "tasteful cleavage" and "raging slut cleavage". The latter is reserved for my boyfriend, and is not on display at work.

Unprofessional boobage:Professional boobage:(P.S. All these tops are from Torrid.com, my favorite store ON EARTH. I don't own any of these tops specifically, but if you wanna buy them for me, please feel free.)

boss: "We have customers come in sometimes and of course there are all the guys who work here too, so we don't want anything like that... distracting them. I'm sure that it does, and if I weren't such an old man, I would be distracted too."

me: vomiting inwardly.

boss, in a mildly scolding tone: "Now, you girls just need to be more careful about covering yourselves up and not showing any cleavage, because we wouldn't want to have another incident like we've had in the past, now would we?"

(this incident he's refering to was from a year or two ago when one of his male warehouse workers solicited one of the female office workers for sex (not me, thank god)... and perhaps solicited is too nice of a word. He basically said to her, "How about me and you f-ck after work today?")

other girl: glancing in my direction with a very frightened look.

me: "Okay." holy frack. anything to leave. anything to leave. anything to leave.

boss: "Alright, thank you girls. That's all, you can go."

Okay. So, let's go down the list of things that qualify my boss for an Ass Hat Award:

1. How dare he make us, two plus-sized young women, feel uncomfortable about our bodies? How dare he make any woman feel self-conscious like that? For those of you who know me, or have read my lingerie horror story at Gordman's, or have seen my online photo gallery, you know I'm a plus-sized girl. How much of a plus, it doesn't even matter.

(If you don't know what I look like, you can email me directly at jenomaha (a) gmail (dot) com and I'll decide on a case by case basis who I want to see my personal photo gallery. I spend a lot of time on SomethingAwful and Fark, I know how people's photos end up all over the internet.)

People, this is the part that makes me most angry. Both myself and the new office girl are bigger girls. She's a bit bigger than me, too. And yes, we're heavy on top.

As any plus-size girl will tell you, it's hard to find cute clothes that you can feel comfy in and still look good. (I know you skinny-bitch-asses are saying "wahh wah wah, why don't you lose some weight then, Tubby McFatterson?" to which I would say GET OFF MY BLOG.)


Comfy plus-sized clothes make us look like sacks of potatoes.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a sack of potatoes at home or with friends. But during work when I'll be meeting customers, or anywhere else in public, I want to look dressy, cool and confident.


Cute, trendy plus-sized clothes are often made in ENTIRELY the wrong way, either in material or shape, and make us look like one or more of the following:

1. the Stay Puft marshmallow man
2. like we are trying to show off our chub and/or be slutty fat chicks
3. the Michelin Man
4. like we don't fracking look in any mirrors when we dress ourselves in the morning.

Since this talk with him, I've felt nothing but awkward in everything I wear to work.

• Is this too revealing?
• Is this too much cleavage?
• If I lean over, will I show more cleavage?
• Will he say something to me again if I don't change my wardrobe to his liking?

2. There was absolutely no reason why he would be the one to talk to us about this. We have a female Office Manager who could have easily been the one to talk to us about this. It would have been far less uncomfortable and awkward for us. What the frack was he thinking trying to tell us himself? He KNOWS his social skills and overall sensitivity is non-existent.

3. As a plus-sized girl who is already terribly self-conscious about her looks, I'd have to say that every single one of my tops accentuates my best asset: my chest.

It's my favorite part of my body, and the only part that I'm not shy or self-conscious about. So, my entire wardrobe is filled with (tasteful, mind you) v-neck tops, semi low-cut tops, and some less-than-tasteful low-cut tops (these majorly low-cut tops never go to work though).

So, tell me, Mr. Boss Ass Hat... How am I going to afford to replace my entire workplace wardrobe on the barely-over-minimum-wage pay I get from your cheap ass?

4. I'm being asked to "cover up" because the pigs he hires to work in the warehouse might sexually harass me!? Excuse me, Mr. Boss Ass Hat, did you really just imply that it would be my fault if that were to happen?

Are you really saying that if we cover up our cleavage, that the asshat workers you've hired won't be total and complete pigs to us!?

WOW. I will be amazed if that works. Truly, I will. I guess I was asking to be sexually harassed all along by wearing such "distracting" clothing.

Maybe I should start wearing a Muslim-inspired shawl around my neck and head, and a dress down to my ankles too? Yes, I should start covering every inch of my body.

Because apparently men can't control themselves when they see skin. And oh, I really shouldn't wear any sandals either, because then I'd be tempting all the foot fetishists out there too!

Tell me, please, that I don't work with the biggest ass hat on earth.

And if that wasn't bad enough...

Here's what just happened ten minutes ago while I was at lunch... I'm eating my bowl of Thai Kitchen mushroom soup with yummy rice noodles and mushroom pieces (a healthy, quick and easy vegetarian lunch!)

And the Boss walks past me and says, "Is that non-fattening, Jennifer?" all accusingly, as if to say "you're fat enough. stop eating."

1. I'm on my 1/2 hour lunch... this is my ONLY time away from YOU. I'd appreciate it if you would refrain from talking to me at this time.
2. How is it any of your goddamn business what I'm eating for lunch?
3. How is my weight any of your concern? You don't even provide any health insurance, so what the hell would you care if I ate myself to death?
4. If by some chance you didn't mean this the way it sounded then WHY DO YOU TALK?
   

Two minutes later... while I'm STILL on lunch, a customer walks in and - surprise surprise! - no one else even fracking acknowledges the customer EXCEPT ME, even though I'm STILL on my lunch.

So I walk over there and start helping him and then, and only then, does My Ass Hat Boss come over and say "Can I help you, sir?" (Totally cutting me off, by the way. I hate that.)

And the guy says, sounding annoyed at the interruption , "She's helping me, thanks." (I love him for saying that. Mr. Customer Man, thank you for looking annoyed with my boss for interrupting me and for saying I was helpful and for recognizing my boss for the ass hat that he is.)

And then the boss laughs and says, "Yeah, but she doesn't know anything."

Oh, you're right. I've only worked here for 3 1/2 years... how could I have possibly retained any information on our products in such a short time? And why is that again? Can someone please tell me why I've wasted 3.5 years of my life at this place?

Ass hat in the news

If you're not a member of what the blog!? yet, you should be. Because then you can participate in the ass hat awards, which features a sweet little contest every 2 weeks. There are lots of buttons and awards and junk that you can earn if you post cool crap about ass hats. Oh yeah, and did I mention that what the blog!? and the ass hat awards are run entirely by the lovely and talent Tiffany, Michelle, and yours truly?

Yeah, we're awesome. You don't have to say it, just sign your ass up.

Anyway, even though I cant qualify to win an ass hat award, I still love to participate because, guess why? It's tons of fun, people. Try and keep up, okay? If you tried it, you would know this.

This past 2-weeks the theme has been Ass Hats in the News, so here's my post:

This is a bit of a disturbing ass hat, but an ass hat nonetheless. Here's the story if you want to read it, though all you really need to know are the parts I highlighted for you in red:

ERIE, Pennsylvania (AP) -- A woman pleaded guilty Tuesday to swinging her 4-week-old son like a bat to hit her boyfriend during a fight, fracturing the infant's skull in the process.

Chytoria Graham, 27, pleaded guilty to aggravated assault and endangering the welfare of a child under a plea agreement with prosecutors.

By pleading guilty, Graham acknowledged that on October 8 she grabbed her son Jarron by his feet and swung him, hitting her boyfriend and seriously injuring the child.

At Graham's preliminary hearing in December, paramedic Betty Schau, who treated the baby, recalled that Graham was crying and disheveled when medical crews arrived. She testified that Graham told her, "I swung him. I swung him like a bat."

The judge ordered a psychological examination for Graham before her sentencing, set for May 8. The charges carry a minimum of five years in prison because the child was under age 12. Two lesser charges were dropped.

Graham's previous attorney had said Graham did not use her child as a weapon, that the boy was hurt during a fight between the two adults and that Graham lied to authorities about how the injury occurred to protect her boyfriend.

Her current attorney, public defender Julia Dudics, however, said Tuesday that the choice to plead guilty was Graham's. Dudics declined further comment except to say that Graham had told her she was depressed.

Jarron, who made a full recovery, and Graham's four other children are currently in the custody of her parents.

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

Here's the link too, if you wanna go read it at cnn.com. But really, if you can just read it here, why go anywhere else?

So, uhm. Do I really need to say anything else about this? I mean, holy hell. WTF is wrong with people?

I see no mention of this mother being on drugs, but I really think that would make more sense... I mean, if you're totally drugged out of your skull I could maybe possibly see this happening.

Like, I could understand a bit if you're a complete crackhead and you hallucinate that your baby is really a baseball bat and start swinging away at the purple spidermonkeys flying towards your head. I could understand that excuse.

But, apparently this lady was sober!? Really? WTF? And her primary excuse is that she was depressed. Why is it that we always hear about mothers getting depressed and then either drowning their children, driving them off bridges, or using them as sports equipment?

Man, this must be an epidemic! I know whenever I'm feeling depressed, I also feel the urge to end innocent lives. Thank goodness I'm not alone anymore in Crazy Town!

/sarcasm.

Maybe birth control should be issued free-of-charge to anyone with an IQ below that of current U.S. President's. (I realize that at the moment that is not a lot of people. But hopefully this will encourage us to vote in smarter Presidents next time.) Two birds with one stone, people. That's how you do it.

Anyway, I'm glad the kid is okay. (And frankly I wouldn't be posting this story if he wasn't okay, because I'm NOT trying to make everyone cry.) I do want to say is that this lady is a freakin ass hat and she doesn't deserve to have children if she can't even operate them properly.

Obviously, this kid was not made for sports. I mean, seriously. Lady, if you really wanna go psycho on your man you have to buy yourself a real baseball bat.

It would do a lot more damage to him than your kid's squishy little head.

The definition of psycho.

I don't really consider myself as a stalkable type of girl, but I guess for every and any girl there are at least 12 scary guys who could possibly stalk you.

I went out with this guy JUST ONCE, a little over a year ago. After the one date we went on, I knew I wasn't into him. I'm not the kind of girl to stay with a guy "just because". I have to really like him. And I just wasn't into this guy. To tell you the truth, I thought he was a bit too intense and had way too much emotional baggage. I understand falling for the guy who needs fixing, but I'm not interested in that... I've been there and done that, and I realize it sucks major ass. I could trash-talk him more, because there was a lot to say, but I don't think that's fair.

So anyway, I told him that I wasn't interested in him "like that". I told him that I also don't stay friends with guys that I've been out with, because I don't want to risk unrequited-feelings on either side. Plus, I wasn't looking for friends. I have friends and they are WAY too much AWESOME to handle already. So I don't really need anymore. If I happen to get more, that's cool, but I wasn't going to force a friendship or have small-talk with yet another aquaintance. Sounds bitchy? Yeah, well I try and be nice about it, but it's the truth.

I told him this before we even went out on the date. I reminded him of all this the day after our date too. Then, probably a day or two after our date, I had a very serious family emergency, where I thought my dad was not going to make it. By pure coincidence, he called me right after my dad was taken to the hospital by ambulance (even though I'd just spoken to him the day before, but whatever).

I told him I couldn't talk to him, that there was an emergency with my dad, and I had to go. But he kept talking. Actually, whining. It was closer to begging. I mean, he literally ignored the fact that I was very upset and started asking me why I didn't want to be with him.

I was beyond disgusted and pissed.

It's usually difficult to make me mad, but if you somehow manage to do it, you'll see me blow up and say exactly what I'm thinking at the time. Anyway, I was at my breaking point already and hearing him go on and on, interrupting and talking over me, completely disregarding my feelings and my family emergency... well, it totally set me off. I told him I didn't EVER want to talk to him again and I didn't want to be friends and to NEVER call me again. And CLICK, I said goodbye and hung up.

He called back several times that evening, and I eventually turned my cell phone off for the night to get some sleep, because one of the calls came in at 2AM from some high-pitched whiny chick friend of his who was asking me why I was "mad" at him. Like we were in f-cking 6th grade or something! I hung up on her after telling her to never call me again either. He called me back a half-hour later and I answered again because I was half-asleep once more. I told him AGAIN to never call me. He called the next day a few more times. I didn't answer.

He called me every single day for a month following, and sometimes he would call multiple times a day. Most days he would just hang up after my voicemail picked up, but sometimes he would leave usually very drunken messages begging/whining on my voicemail. At times he would call from unknown numbers and I would answer the phone. Everytime I would hang up on him or tell him to PLEASE STOP CALLING. After a while I started loathing hearing my phone ring. It would make me cringe. I kept telling myself, "Why should I have to change my phone number? He's the psycho, why should I have to pay for that" and I never changed my number.

Finally, after a month of being scared whenever my phone rang, I wrote him an email telling him for the 8th or 9th time to stop calling. This time, I also told him that he was scaring me and that I would be calling the police for a restraining order if he did not stop immediately.

The calls stopped a couple days later.

He called again in the summer of 2006, just once. I figured he was just drunk and was doing it "one last time" just to mess with me.

Now, this last Thursday evening, he called me about 10-12 times in a row, and left 5 very drunk voicemails on my phone. I keep saying to myself "This is the last time, then I'm changing my number." But when is it really the last time?

This time, I hope.

New meaning of the word asshat.

I've been a vegetarian since I was about 13. That's over 10 years and it continues to be a learning experience. So consequently, PETA's international spys somehow found me on the "National Vegetarians List" or something (That's not real, okay. I made it up), and has started mailing me magazines and literature.

I like the idea of PETA. It's People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, for those of you who don't know. I like their name and I like the idea of a large group of people organizing to make themselves heard. But I definitely don't like the scare tactics... the gory photos... the horror shows they display on a regular basis. That's what they've become known for too. Showing people things they don't want to see. Trying to shock people into caring about animals. It doesn't work... it just makes people think PETA is insane and fanatic and outrageous and extreme and it causes people to discredit the things they have to say and label them as propaganda. (Which they might very well be just mere propaganda, though I personally don't believe that.)

Well, I don't want to see these images and stories either. Hello, the whole reason I became a vegetarian was because I wanted to avoid thinking about how animals die. The best way to avoid this guilt is to stop eating them. And yes, eventually I'll become a full-on vegan, but until I make that choice I'd like it if they would stop trying to make me cry.

Anyway, on to my point. I started getting emails from Compassion Over Killing (COK... yes, I know), which appears to be "affiliated" with PETA. And by "affiliated" I mean that I can't seem to find their connection to PETA, but because they both use the same scare tactics and display the same horrific photos, it's my opinion that they are lumped together as one big scary company.

Now, I'm all for getting the word out about animal cruelty. And I agree with the beliefs and principles they are preaching. And I'm all for going vegan, when I can actually afford to do so. (Soy products are not cheap.)

But I think these people a new marketing guy. Like, 5 years ago.

Check this email out that I just got from the people at COK:

Subject: Action Alert: Act Today to Help Caged Hens

Compassion Over Killing and Vegan Outreach are teaming up with compassionate people everywhere to ask Morningstar Farms® to stop using eggs in its product line.

[[Insert disturbing photo of hens in very small cages and a caption below it with a horrifying statistic]]

[[Insert link to an entire photo gallery of these terrible images.]]

Morningstar Farms®, which is owned by the Kellogg® company, was approached in September 2005 about its use of eggs in its products...

[[Insert link to more disturbing photos of hens in cages.]]

[[Insert long description of horrible conditions that the hens live in that I am certain my readers don't want to hear.]]

Morningstar Farms® has long been a leader in supplying delicious vegetarian foods to a growing market.
[[Insert a suggestion that everyone should contact Morningstar Farms and tell them to stop using eggs in their products]] ...encourage them to join with companies like Gardenburger®, which last year announced it has taken eggs out of all its products except for one private-sourced item.

Okay. What the hell, COK!? Are you actually picking on a company that provides us vegetarians with yummy yummy food-stuffs in lieu of a company that is mistreating the animal directly? What happened to going to the root of the problem?

You seriously need to learn how to pick your battles, COK. You're biting the hand that literally feeds you. In fact, let's throw another cliche in there: beggars can't be choosers.

It's like saying to a doctor, "Well you sorta cured cancer, but it's really not good enough yet. Think you can work on that? Uhm, oh yeah and here are a TON of my friends to tell you the EXACT same thing until you DO fix the problem."

Or saying to the rocket scientist, "Well, the rocket got us safely to the moon and stuff, that's great... but the coffeemaker inside the rocket isn't working right now, ya think you could take a look at that? Cuz the astronauts are really thirsty and uhm... you're gonna get about 40 emails a day until it's fixed. Thanks!"

WTF?

My skills are deteriorating.

Maybe I was wrong in the first place about being skilled at graphic design and 3D modelling and multimedia in general. I used to think my 2D designs and 3D models were really great. And I figured that since I was just starting out I would get even better. I thought, Wow, I found my true calling. That's something that not a lot of people have ever felt and may never feel, and that felt so precious to me. And I thought that things could only get better after I graduated. My school (which shall remain unnamed) made it seem like I'd be making bank at doing exactly what I loved. They made it seem like companies would be begging for me to work for them, because I was so talented and multi-skilled and creative and yadda yadda yadda.

Well, it's over 2 years after graduating, and nobody's ever beat on my door looking for my skills and talent or anything. In fact, I beat on their door and I can hear the deadbolt click into place and hearty laughter coming from inside the building. It's disheartening, to say the least. I'm still at the same bad job that pays nothing with a boss that frequently makes me either scream inside my brain or burst into tears; it's the same job that I thought was "just a stepping stone" in my path.

That alone wouldn't be so awful if I still enjoyed the work I do as much as I used to. But lately I've felt like every ad I make is incredibly tacky. I'm embarassed when I see them printed in the magazines or newspaper. I used to be so proud that I once asked my boss if I could sign my name somewhere on the ad so that everyone would know who designed it. Lol.

Every flyer I print is so ugly and messy and cluttered. And I have to print them in mass quantities, so each one that falls out of the printer is uglier than the last. The 3D work I do is lame and no one cares about it except our customers, which are all 87-year-old couples that have never even been within 10 miles of a computer. And the websites I make are only about 2 steps away from Geocities.

Is it my hell-on-earth job that is making me lose my love of design? Was I just inspired by my teachers and classes, is that why I did so well before? Or was I never really good at it in the first place, and no one had the heart to tell me the truth? How is it that everytime I make a new ad or design or logo, I end up loathing it?

I know you guys can't answer these questions and you all have never even seen any of my work, but I need to rant. I can't stand my job and I can't stand constantly applying to places that literally ignore me. The boyfriend says it's because I only have a 2-year degree and not a Bachelor's, but that's bull. If I were really talented and skilled, someone would have snatched me up by now, whether I had a 4-year degree or 2-year degree or highschool degree. If my portfolio really stood out, I would have been hired by now... right?

End of self pity rant. Lol. Sorry about that.

Resident Evil: Extinction

Whoa, dude. There will be a 3rd Resident Evil movie coming out in the Fall of 2007, and yes, the wonderfully talented and gorgeous Milla Jovovich will be returning for it!

This might be old news already, but I just heard about it so it's new to me.

If you wanna see the pretty freakin sweet trailor, go to the official Resident Evil: Extinction site from Sony Pictures. The beginning of the trailer is the best part... check it out when it pans back from the big-screen casino/vacation advertisement... that has got to be all CG. Dude, the Statue of Liberty is right there near the Eiffel Tower. See if you can spot all the Wonders of the World and various landmarks that are lined up as it pans further back... WTF happened!?

Anyway, very neat idea. Even if it's not likely, it's a cool effect. And would get people talking. Either "Wow, that's so sweet!" or "Uhm wow, that's not even possible."

The rest of the trailer makes it look like Resident Evil meets Indiana Jones or Aladdin or something. Check out those Aladdin swords. Did she raid the last museum standing or something!?

Well, it's still awesome despite the mild lameness of the only 2 preview photos I could find out there, but where the hell are my favorite zombie inside-out dogs that scare the ever-loving crap out of me? Before Resident Evil 1, I thought I was scared enough of the game! Talk about nitemares people. I'll admit I'm a wuss, but those inside-out dogs are enough to freak anyone out. Just admit it, you cry a little when you think of them.

I'm not too worried since those dogs are a trademark of the games and the films thus far, so there's no way in hell they're gonna leave them out. Even if it's just a cameo. Hah.

IMDB has a page up for Resident Evil: Extinction, but of course there isn't a lot of info on it yet... For example, here's what the user-submitted Plot Summary says right now:

Alice (MILLA JOVOVICH) now is in hiding in the Nevada desert with old friends Carlos Olivera (ODED FEHR) and L.J. (MIKE EPPS) and new survivors K-Mart (SPENCER LOCKE) Claire Redfield (ALI LARTER) and nurse Betty (ASHANTI). Now they must gather their strength to fight the Umbrella Corporation, and the deadly virus they created.
-- Written by KrispyGlowwFlakes

Yes. Written by KRISPYGLOWWFLAKES. Riiight. Okay. Now, I'm not doubting that she could be a very reliable source, but... COME ON. How can you not be a wee bit skeptical on the basis of her username alone? I mean, good lord. Please pick a screenname that makes you appear older than 14 if you want me to listen to you at all. Unless you're 14. Then stay off the effing internet because OMMIGOD DON'T YOU WATCH DATELINE!?

Ahem. Anyway, here's a list of things that Milla Jovovich has been in (that I have seen or at least heard of... there are more on her IMDB profile page, but uhmm these are the ones that people will actually recognize):

• Resident Evil: Extinction (2007) (post-production) .... Alice
• .45 (2006) .... Kate
• Ultraviolet (2006) .... Violet
• Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) .... Alice
• The House on Turk Street (2002) .... Erin
• Resident Evil (2002) .... Alice
• Zoolander (2001) .... Katinka
• The Claim (2000) .... Lucia
• The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (1999) .... Joan of Arc
• The Fifth Element (1998) (VG) (voice) .... Leeloo
• The Fifth Element (1997) .... Leeloo
• Dazed and Confused (1993) .... Michelle Burroughs
• Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991) .... Lilli

Dazed and Confused was the first time I saw her, but I didn't recognize her as the same actress when I saw The Fifth Element. It wasn't until I saw Dazed & Confused again (for the millionth time) that I put 2 and 2 together.

Feeling a little Lost.

Nadine: SO DID YOU SEE LOST LAST NIGHT?

10:12 AM Jen: yeah

Jen: it was okay.

10:14 AM Nadine: I THOUGHT IT WAS STUPID

6 minutes

10:23 AM Jen: why did you think Lost was stupid? Jen: WHY NADINE WHY

Nadine: BECAUSE IT WAS Nadine: NOTHING HAPPENS ANYMORE

Jen: true. Jen: they spent a whole episode finding a boat.

Jen: i've seen more excitement on an episode of 24. Nadine: JACK TOTALLY BLEW IT WHEN HE RATTED OUT WHATS HER NAME

Jen: Jack just blew period.

10:24 AM

Nadine: I JUST WISH THEY WOULD GET ON WITH THE STORY CAUSE LAST SEASON WAS OLD AND THIS IS GETTING OLDER

Jen: yes. agreed. they're gonna jump the shark.

Nadine: AND WE HAD TO WAIT FOR 2 F-CKIN MONTHS TO SEE THIS STUPID EPISODE

Jen: yeah, totally worth it. i can feel my bones melting with boredom

Nadine: I KNOW. AND YOU KNOW THEY SAID THEY HAD A PLAN AND THEY WERE GOING TO END THE SHOW WITH ANSWERS AND NOT JUST LEAVE IT HANGING, BUT REALLY THEY SHOULD TOTALLY END IT NOW

Nadine: OR IN THE NEXT TWO SEASONS. IF THEY CAN.

Jen: they should. instead of dragging a dead horse through the mud.

Nadine: I THINK LOST WOULD MAKE A BETTER MOVIE THAN SHOW

Jen: well i just wish they'd explain things

Nadine: ME TOO

10:27 AM Jen: you know why they don't explain things? Jen: cuz it doesn't make any effing sense and it never will.

Jen: they know there are not reasonable answers. so they give us NO ANSWERS.

Nadine: AND WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO WALT AND HIS DAD

Jen: they sailed off somewhere

Nadine: BUT WHERE?

Jen: they might return, they might not.

Nadine: THEY CAN'T JUST BE GONE

10:28 AM

Nadine: THATS LAME

Jen: we will NEVER know

Nadine: I KNOW! LAME

Jen: because they NEVER tell you anything

Nadine: I KNOW. I HATE THAT

Jen: next week Hurley is going to have sex with Kate and she will get pregnant and then the baby and pregnancy will disappear because the black smoke cloud will drift by her and take it away.

10:29 AM Nadine: LOL

Jen: they will never explain why she had sex with Hurley, or how in the hell the black smoke cloud ate the baby, or ANYTHING

Nadine: I KNOW

Jen: then Micheal and Walt will pull up in a yacht

Nadine: AND MICHAEL WILL BE PREGNANT

10:30 AM Jen: yes, from the blonde lady [Juliet] who can impregnant her dying sister and male rats.

Nadine: LOL

Jen: and then Charlie will scream "APRIL FOOLS EVERYBODY"

Nadine: YES

Jen: then Jack will take a crap

Nadine: AND IT WILL BE GOLD Nadine: AND IT WILL GROW INTO A BOAT TREE

10:31 AM Jen: yes

Nadine: AND THEY WILL ALL SWIM AWAY EVEN THOUGH THE BOATS ARE RIGHT THERE AND THEY WILL NEVER SAY WHY THEY ARE SWIMMING AWAY SO FAST SCREAMING

Jen: then they will all sail off the island and crash right into Nebraska

Nadine: LOL YEA

Nadine: WITH THE JUNGLE AND EVERYTHING IN THE BACKGROUND Nadine: THEY'LL BE SAYING THAT ITS IN THE PAST Nadine: BUT THEN THE FLYING CARS GO BY Nadine: AND KATE IS PREGNANT AGAIN CAUSE THE BLACK SMOKE CAME BY AGAIN.
Nadine: AND SHE GIVES BIRTH TO A 32 YEAR OLD PENGUIN Nadine: WITH THE NUMBERS 2 6 8 15 16 42 IN THE FEATHERS OF THE PENGUIN, SINCE HURLEY WAS THE FATHER AND THOSE ARE HIS NUMBERS.

Jen: dude, that is totally how the show should go

Nadine: TAKE BETS, CAUSE I BET IT WILL

Jen: lol. i got $50 on Jack getting pregnant by Sawyer before Kate.

11:04 AM Jen: I also want $300 on the black smoke cloud getting pregnant and fighting a war in Iraq. While pregnant.

Nadine: lol YEA Nadine: I GOT 50 on HURLEY EATING EVERY TREE ON THE ISLAND AND BEING MURDERED BY THE HATCH WHEN IT COMES BACK AFTER BEING BLOWN UP.

My boss is worse than yours.

Boss: I saw that you didn't check all those numbers from the price book.
Me: Yes, I did. I checked every single one.
Boss: No you didn't, because the 8th number is wrong.
Me: I know, I highlighted it because I couldn't match it up with our accounting numbers.
Boss: That's because you got it wrong.
Me: Well, maybe it was a typo.
Boss: Then you weren't very careful, were you?
Me: Well, typos happen. Especially when there's only one person doing the work and no one else checking the numbers.

(And ESPECIALLY when the person doing all the work is the Graphic Artist and NOT the accountant or number-checker person.)

Boss: I didn't say anything about that. I can't be wasting time and money on having everyone involved on this project. You need to get it right. This is our price books for the whole year. I can't send these out with errors.
Me: I did get all of them right, except for one. That's 10 pages of numbers... and I got one wrong.
Boss: If you got one wrong, you probably got more wrong. You need to recheck it.
Me: Shouldn't there be a pair of fresh eyes on these numbers, if you think I did such a bad job?
Boss: I'm not going to check them over, that's why I have people working for me.
Me: So I'm going to recheck 10 pages of numbers that I've already checked and rechecked... because I got one wrong, and I even pointed it out to you because I knew it was wrong.
Boss: Yes, and hurry up doing it. I don't want to spend all day on this.


Oh yeah. I'll just rush right through it...
And before you say it... NO I don't get paid enough for this.

Snoop Doggy Dog's dog toys.

I probably spelled Snoop Doggy Dog wrong. Is it Snoop Doggy Dog or Snoop Doggy Dogg? Or something else altogether?

Jen: dude
Jen: you can buy snoop doggy dog toys now.

Nadine: oh yea

4:46 PM Nadine: i heard they were coming out with them

Jen: yeah.... and they have thug clothes for your dog too

Nadine: nice

Jen: snoop is such a whore now.

Nadine: i know

Jen: one of the dog toys is a pair of handcuffs

Nadine: NICE!

Jen: yeah
Jen: how about a pound of weed Jen: the dog would play with that

Nadine: LOL

Ugliest showroom on earth.

I wish I could take photos and post them of the showroom at my work.

Just picture a furniture showroom or interior design showroom and then add 4 tornados, 5 products we don't even sell anymore, 9 broken florescent ceiling lights, a handful of water-damaged ceiling tiles, 3 fake plants possibly from the 80's, and 67 out-of-date fabric books possibly from the 70's.

I really would take some photos, but I want to distance my real life from my blog as much as possible. I can only imagine the crap I would get into if my boss found this blog. Oh lord. And who what company would hire me if they googled my name and found this thing? Oy.

An awesome company, that's who.

Anyway, my point is that our showroom is the fugliest showroom on earth. The end.

Another day like this.

I do know what's up with me lately. But I feel like such a burden talking about it. I'm just not the type to talk about things that are wrong with me. I'm more of a listener, when other people have problems. I always lecture myself that I should not bottle things up, especially with my family and closest friends. But I still do it.

I know that there's something wrong with my Zoloft (anti-depressant), but I feel a little helpless at the moment on what to do about it. A couple weeks ago I upped it from 25mg to 50mg because I finally realized what was wrong with me, and I felt I was doing better immediately after. I realize this bout of "seasonal depression" (that's what the doc called it... though I've heard different theories from her before, and on my records it's officially "low-grade clinical depression") is part of why I haven't posted blog entries very much this past couple months. (I really have been busy, but not so busy that I wouldn't do the things I like to do) When I started feeling better after raising my dosage, I started writing more.

But today I was a wreck over insane little things. (Update: I'm better now, but I did write this while I was not doing well.) Like, I was reading someone's blog about their fight against cancer and that made me start crying. I know that sounds like a normal reaction, but trust me, it's far from normal for me. I'm the type that doesn't even cry at funerals or when I have a good reason to cry. It takes a lot for me to cry, and when I do it's usually just tears welling-up, but never actually falling down my face.

And then later, I was looking at MySpace pages of people I went to highschool with (mostly people that I didn't like in highschool) and that made me start crying and feeling sorry for myself (Update: WHY!?). Then, talking to my mom about dinner made me almost start crying again. I'm crying right now, just thinking of how insane it is for me to be crying over such things.

Nobody wants to feel like their emotions are out of their control. That's how I feel when my anti-depressant stops working (although this does not happen often). And I really feel like that's not the person I should be. I'm so normal otherwise... how is it that I ended up having this disease of chronic sadness? (Update: I'm not trying to be all dramatic and oh-woe-is-me here, because I know things could be worse... once again I feel like this isn't really me talking here.) I have so much to be happy about and nothing in my life is worth crying over. I never cry when the med is working.

Here are my thoughts:

1. I can up my dose from 50mg to 75mg, as I've already discussed doing with my doctor. If it doesn't get better, something else is wrong, which leads me to my 2nd thought:

2. It seems to me that I've had most of these sad-episodes on the weekends, particularly on Sundays. I really do see a pattern. It's always after I've left the boyfriend's house, and I'm alone in front of my computer all day working on my "projects" (like, what the blog!?, finding a better job, building an online portfolio, playing with logos, etc) or just catching up on my internet-fixes (see sidebar for links). These specific episodes might be because I always drink on Friday nights with Nadine & Joe and perhaps that cancels out my Zoloft, which would account for the regular bout of sadness once a week. I know this might be hard to hear for some of you, but... I may be giving up drinking. I was planning on giving it up anyway when I move in with the boyfriend someday, because frankly, alcohol is not as important to me as he is. (That was a little hard to admit, lol. kidding!) But I may do it on a trial-basis now to see how it effects my moods.

(Update: I guess I'll do this after next weekend though... because that's when I'm going out to the bars with Echo and Katie. Lol... no rush for my well-being or anything. Hah. Well, I haven't been out in a looooong time, and I haven't seen Echo since Thanksgiving Eve and I haven't seen Katie since... her wedding last year? [I don't remember when for sure.] Anyway, in the meantime, I'm just gonna up my dose and see how that goes.)

More update: I tried talking myself out of posting this entry, but I guess I lost the battle. I didn't want it to be miscontrued as fishing for pity or being overly dramatic or over-sharing or whatever neurotic thing I could possibly worry about. I guess because I've been reading a lot of other blogs that are so much more honest about themselves than I am. They don't seem to be pretending like everything is just hunky-dorey when it's not, which I think is just plain awesome of them. (Also, they don't say lame-ass things like hunky-dorey... and that's why I have only 3 readers.) So I thought I'd try ditching that whole Pretending-Like-Everything's-Just-Peachy schtick for once. Uhhh, I dunno how that's gonna work out for me. I swear I will post something really soon after this so it's not the first depressing-ass thing you see when you open my blog.

All guys: a flowchart of truth.

10:42 AM Jen: you know you only get hit on by creepy guys and toothless folk.

Nadine: YEAH, WHAT IS THAT?Nadine: GEES!

10:44 AM Jen: i dunno, it's the laws of nature.

10:45 AM Jen: because hot guys are too busy thinking about how hot they are too notice you.Jen: sometimes they pass by mirrors and accidentally hit on themselves. Jen: but that's about as close to hitting on anyone as they get. Jen: here, i will make you a flowchart to illustrate my point.

10:48 AM Nadine: A FLOW CHART

Nadine: I WANNA SEE THIS

(click image to enlarge.)

I should probably do a chicks one too, to be fair.

In the Blogghetto.

Yes, that title is meant to be sung like Cartman singing that Elvis song. Sing along, it will make you feel better about Blogger being a jerkbum.

I will seriously bitchslap Blogger. Why does it torment me so? I hope it works long enough for me to write this, or there will be some kung fu type flailing and middle-fingeredness directed at my monitor.

I know that I kinda disappeared there for a couple weeks. So much so that even my friends have gotten bored and stopped reading my blog. But guess what? My best friend Nadine (you may know her from our frightening chatlogs) is getting married! Her boyfriend Joe proposed yesterday. I love weddings, so I'm really excited. Plus, she already asked me to be her Maid of Honor. Yay!

Anyway, I'm still alive. Just 2 parts busy and 1 part lazy... (and when my 1-part lazy ass goes to write something, Blogger is always 97 parts SUCK.)