Monday, March 05, 2007

My skills are deteriorating.

Maybe I was wrong in the first place about being skilled at graphic design and 3D modelling and multimedia in general. I used to think my 2D designs and 3D models were really great. And I figured that since I was just starting out I would get even better. I thought, Wow, I found my true calling. That's something that not a lot of people have ever felt and may never feel, and that felt so precious to me. And I thought that things could only get better after I graduated. My school (which shall remain unnamed) made it seem like I'd be making bank at doing exactly what I loved. They made it seem like companies would be begging for me to work for them, because I was so talented and multi-skilled and creative and yadda yadda yadda.

Well, it's over 2 years after graduating, and nobody's ever beat on my door looking for my skills and talent or anything. In fact, I beat on their door and I can hear the deadbolt click into place and hearty laughter coming from inside the building. It's disheartening, to say the least. I'm still at the same bad job that pays nothing with a boss that frequently makes me either scream inside my brain or burst into tears; it's the same job that I thought was "just a stepping stone" in my path.

That alone wouldn't be so awful if I still enjoyed the work I do as much as I used to. But lately I've felt like every ad I make is incredibly tacky. I'm embarassed when I see them printed in the magazines or newspaper. I used to be so proud that I once asked my boss if I could sign my name somewhere on the ad so that everyone would know who designed it. Lol.

Every flyer I print is so ugly and messy and cluttered. And I have to print them in mass quantities, so each one that falls out of the printer is uglier than the last. The 3D work I do is lame and no one cares about it except our customers, which are all 87-year-old couples that have never even been within 10 miles of a computer. And the websites I make are only about 2 steps away from Geocities.

Is it my hell-on-earth job that is making me lose my love of design? Was I just inspired by my teachers and classes, is that why I did so well before? Or was I never really good at it in the first place, and no one had the heart to tell me the truth? How is it that everytime I make a new ad or design or logo, I end up loathing it?

I know you guys can't answer these questions and you all have never even seen any of my work, but I need to rant. I can't stand my job and I can't stand constantly applying to places that literally ignore me. The boyfriend says it's because I only have a 2-year degree and not a Bachelor's, but that's bull. If I were really talented and skilled, someone would have snatched me up by now, whether I had a 4-year degree or 2-year degree or highschool degree. If my portfolio really stood out, I would have been hired by now... right?

End of self pity rant. Lol. Sorry about that.


tiffany said...

i've been out of school for a year and a half, and i totally feel your pain.

getting an awesome job would help, obviously.
but it is huge thing to be separated from the vreative community that surrounded you when you were in school.

i REALLY MISS being in school, surrounded by other people who weere eager to talk about what we were reading, and, more importantly, what we were writing.
i felt good about the things that i wrote.
i felt really good.
and, of course, that went hand in hand with all of the positive feedback i was getting.

sure, it feels good to have a considerable amount of people reading and commenting on my blog.
but, when i write things that i'm really proud of?
there's no one around to notice.

it's depressing.

p.s. john only has a 2 year degree, too. i think there may be some jobs where a 4 year would help, but it's not the be-all-end-all of job getting.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

That is not nessicarily true Jen. Like in most things in life it's who you know, especially since graphic arts is such a crowded field. The only thing I could suggest is that you find a way to network somehow. Maybe volunteer to do some work for a charity. Do something to get yourself noticed. What that would be I have no idea (gee aren't I a big help). I hope you find something better soon.

Missy said...

at the end of this year i will have a degree and be forced out into the real world and now? i am really scared! thanks heaps jen!

no i'm jk. and i dont have any awesome advice, other than i feel your pain and hope that everyone can get a job they like, are good at, and pays for shoes and handbags.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately this is the age of the 'experts.' In just about any field you can be an Edison or an Einstein, but if you're not certified by bureaucrats who don't know what they're doing anyway, managment's likely to take a pass. I have a feeling that most of the great works of art from this time period are either going to be passed by or 'discovered' later, by a certified 'discoverer' of course. Out of curiosity, do you ever make graphic designs on your own without a customer?

~a (certified) mysterious wandering priest

Mikala said...

Girl I've been out of school for 2+ years and I am still doing the same job I was doing when I was in school! So, I'm no help in this arena whatsoever.

Matter of fact, I'm fairly certain that I don't enjoy working in business oriented positions. I, now, wish I went to school for Interior Design, Zoology/Veterinarian, or Art. Those are the things I would truly enjoy, yet I'm stuck with a Business Degree and almost a MBA!!! Yeah, I'm definitely mentally challenged - I'll be the first to admit.

So, my point, you ask? Don't feel bad, it happens to the best of us.