Let's pretend it's Tuesday!

Okay, when I started this blog I told myself I'd never post twice in one day... So, I'm a LIAR. But today we're pretending it's already Tuesday because I'm certain I will not remember to post tomorrow. I'm really busy, okay! Get off me.

So last week I completely forgot (shocking, I know) about Web Toons Tuesday or whatever it was called... So it's Tuesday today... or I will forget again. Really I should name it "Whatever I Post, Whenever the Hell I Remember To".

Yeah, that's really catchy. That could my blog title.

Or maybe I meant to skip last week... because I'm suspenseful like that... yeah, that's it. You don't know.

Anyway, I've got some new comics for ya. Because comics rock. Once again, I'm at work and too lazy to compile and post from a brand new, never-before-blogged (on this blog) comic, so here's some more super sexy comics starring some savvy savage chickens from Doug Savage's Savage Chickens.

(Dude, say that 3 times fast.)


Previous Web Toons Tuesday entry: People search for my blog?!

Toys R Us Wii pre-orders start yesterday.

Uhm. I've been spacing out my blog. I apologize, dear readers.

As usual, I am always a step or two behind the news. Check out the "latest" Wii news from Nintendorks:

Wee amount of Wii expected to be left at end of year

Nintendo's Yoshihiro Mori revealed that Nintendo plans to ship six million Wii units by March 31st of next year, but the company does not expect this to satiate the hunger of consumers drooling for the highly anticipated console. This is according to Chris Leyton of Total Video Games, who also says Nintendo advises fans to pre-order Wiis if they want to guarantee getting one.

For those who have yet to reserve a Wii, Toys R Us will begin taking pre-orders on October 29th. Gamers will have to pony up a cool fifty bucks if they want to get that little piece of paper that will be their ticket to gaming bliss come November 17th. Parents who don't want to be seen as failures in the eyes of their children this holiday season should make sure they find a way to secure a Wii, or else it will be just like they shot Santa in the back of the head, tidings of comfort and joy splattered on the mantle.

Posted by Chris at October 27, 2006 12:55 AM

Hmm. So uhm... I guess I should pre-order today or tomorrow. I'm okay with pre-ordering from Toys R Us, but definitely not Gamestop.
This bit of news only serves to make me more nervous about not getting a Wii at all if I don't pre-order one.

In other news: Echo and I went out to Eli's on Saturday night to celebrate Halloween. The bar was too packed though, overwhelmingly so, and yet hardly anyone was dancing! Most all the girls were dressed as slutty fairies or slutty angels, but I saw a couple of really cute (although still quite slutty) costumes too. Echo went as Cher and even made her own microphone, which was really cute.

Of course, there were the usual guys that use Halloween as an excuse to be horny, nasty bastards. Like, a guy dressed as a flasher... which was NOT COOL seeing him flopping around on the dance floor. And, get this, there was a guy dressed as a giant vagina. Seriously, buddy... WHY? (Here's a photo of what his "Big Pink" costume looked like... but this is NOT safe for work, people. You've been warned.)

I mean, dude, that guy must have lost a bet. Or he's just one of those guys... you know, those guys that are just the hopelessly single "life of the party" guys, that can't ever get a girlfriend because they just cannot stop making fart jokes and randomly humping people and things. Ugh. You know... the guys I usually go out with once, and then run screaming away from.

My costume was sufficiently geeky... I decided to be a 'music/software pirate'. Which means I bought a pirate costume and then made a pendant necklace with the no-symbol around the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America, the company that prosecutes 12 year old girls for downloading Britney Spears' "Hit me Baby One More Time", old rockers like my dad that download songs that have been playing on the effing radio since before 1976, and shuts down the software programs/organizations that aid you in sharing music and files with your peers) and I also sewed a couple CD's onto my skirt.

I was talking to my friend Holly yesterday about Halloween/my software pirate costume, and she said a friend of hers wanted to do the same thing a couple years ago but never got the costume finished. He had 'bootleg boots' too. Freakin awesome!

I was considering posting photos of me in my uber-geek costume, but I dunno... I'll think about it. I'm always afraid they will end up photoshopped on FARK or something.

On an unrelated note: OH MY GAWD, some people need to learn when to stop talking. When you see that I am clearly very busy "working" and not even looking at you the ENTIRE time you are yapping away, then maybe - JUST MAYBE - you should just shut up shut up shut up!!!

(Uh oh! Somebody's got a case of the Mondays...)

Lunch can be an adventure.

I shouldn't be allowed to go to places outside of my bubble. I had to go and pick up lunch today for a couple co-workers and myself at this "new" place called Wheatfield's. And by "new" I mean that it's been around forever but I have never been there before because it's not in my freakin bubble of places that I usually go to.

I discovered today there are damn good reasons why I don't try new places...

I drive there and see the big Wheatfield's sign without any incident, and park in front of a sign that I later read as "California Pizza Take Out Parking". Except all I read was "Take Out Parking" because it was the largest and boldest font on the sign. I parked there and looked up at an entry door in front of me that read "TAKE OUT" in large block letters.

So I went into that TAKE OUT entrance and up to the counter where some snot-nosed 15 year old boy with long hair (damn kids) was standing.

I said, "I'm here to pick up a Take Out order for Jennifer or maybe it's under a different name."

The kid just stares at me and doesn't even look around for the order or paperwork, or whatever he's supposed to look for because that's his damn job. He says, "What was in the order?"

I'm not even sure what my coworkers ordered or how much, so I say, "I don't know. A veggie and some other crap. It should be under Jennifer or maybe (my coworkers' names)." At this point, I look down and see that the cash register says 'Welcome to California Pizza' and in my head I think, Hmm, that's really weird that they would combine Wheatfield's and California Pizza in one building. Okay, I must admit this is one of the dumbest things ever.

Snotty kid with girl hair: "Uhm. We don't have that order." Still staring at me like I'm a moron, which I am.

Me, starting to get pissed because I assume he's just being a jerkface: "Dude, my coworker called in this order an hour ago and said to have it ready at 11:15. You're not even looking for the order."

Snotty boy with hair prettier than mine: "We haven't had any take out orders yet today at all."

Me, now realizing that I am a freakin moron: "Oh. I think I'm in the wrong place."

The stupid damn kid who was right afterall says: "Yeah. I think you are." in a really snotty voice.

So I leave quickly the way I came and look to my right and see that there is another entrance a ways down that says Wheatfield's in large letters above the door. I hang my head and walk over there. I go inside and it's super busy. Great. There are 4 billion signs everywhere but not one that says "Pick up" or "Take out" or anything like that. So I wait at a counter and thankfully it's the right one and she gives me my order.

My coworkers gave me a wad of cash and I had my own wad of cash in my wallet, but I hadn't counted it. I'd hate to just jam a wad of random cash at the lady, and pray that she counts it right, so I am trying hard to count it among all the noise of the place. Then she starts yapping about the soups or something and I'm like half-way through counting and I lose my place.

Mind you, this is not a lot of money, but I am completely retarded when it comes to money and counting and math in any form. Plus, I am still flustered about having made an ass out of myself next door at California Pizza. I mumble a reply to her soup-comment (which I didn't listen to at all) and then start counting again. I count it twice and each time come up with a different number. So I am panicking, thinking that my coworkers didn't give me enough money, and so I end up just handing her my debit card.

Meanwhile, she is watching me as I attempt to count my cash and then ultimately give up and dig in my purse for my debit card. I think she thinks that I'm just poor and don't have the right amount, but what she doesn't know is that I am really just stupid. (Hah, I fooled her!) She runs the card and then I turn around to leave, but because I didn't listen to what she said about the soups (because I was trying to count), when I go to leave I check the bag for the soups and see that they are not there. I turn around and go back up to her and she says "I told you that the soups will be ready in just a minute, we needed to make sure they were nice and hot for you" in tone that one might call bitchy.

Well I'm sorry, I'm apparently one of those customers that is a complete moron, so just deal with it bitch. If you wanted to deal with smart people all day you should have become a rocket scientist instead of working at a restuarant where they let people like me wander around without sedation or an Socially-Retarded Idiot Translator (this is a job usually taken by one of my friends: "Jenny wants food. But she cannot count. She's not listening to you, she's trying to count. You must wait.")

So I hang my head again in utter shame while I wait for the soups to get done and then quickly leave, assuming that my harrowing adventure is now over...

But remember, I had originally parked in the wrong parking space... so I get out to my car and Mr. Pretty-Hair-Snotty-Boy is standing outside the California Pizza TAKE OUT door, right in front of my car.

It's like he was just waiting for me to come back!

So I refuse to make eye contact, thinking he will just do his smirking thing and leave me the hell alone otherwise... but just as I am ducking into my car he says "you know, that spot is for California Pizza customers only" in his best fakely-polite snot-nosed tone of voice.

Goddamn the youth of today. It was way funny when I did this type of thing at 15, but not so great having it done to me 7 years later.

Although I know I am usually quite easily embarrassed, I am certain that under different circumstances I would've had a much more clever reply than just "Heh, yeah. Sorry about that. Heh."

Oh good god. Even the simple act of going to get lunch can be an adventure when you're as mentally challenged as I.

See, this is why I don't go to new places. I stay in my damn bubble.

My usual places already know I'm retarded and have accepted it and moved from 'disgust' to 'sympathy'. I come in the door at my usual places, and there is a sudden hush in the crowd, because they are all busy thinking "Oh there is that sped girl again. I hope she doesn't fall on her face or snort or drop her entire veggie burger down her bra... again. Poor thing."

See? They understand me in my bubble.

The 3rd tagging: For $10 million.

I was vaguely tagged by Stephanie from Cars & Boston Cremes... (I could have just ignored it I guess, but hey I like being included.)

For ten million dollars, would you run over a dog with your car?
No, I wouldn't for any amount of money.

For ten million dollars, would you cheat on your sweetheart with his / her best friend?
Errrr like Stephanie said, it depends on if they both knew and were ok with it. But even though, I dunno, it may turn out like Indecent Proposal kinda and that would suck. So, no.

For ten million dollars, would you allow someone to amputate both your legs?
Hmm, how much do I really use my legs? No, I wouldn't do this either.

For ten million dollars, would you frame someone you already dislike for a heinous crime?
How much do I already dislike them? Because I don't see a downside to this one. Okay, I guess I would feel kinda guilty... So I give a reluctant no.

For ten million dollars, would you give up sex for life?
No way in hell. Omg, no.

For ten million dollars, would you spike everyone's drink with LSD at Thanksgiving?
I don't know very much about drugs and their effects, but isn't LSD the one that can mess you up forever? Maybe that's just a rumor. Even so, this question is pretty evil, especially considering that my GRANDMA would be one of these people. I say no, obviously.

For ten million dollars, would you eat three big bowls of live spiders?
GOD NO. I almost had a seizure just thinking about it.

For ten million dollars, would you say really racist things in public, every day, for the rest of your life?
No. Oh my god, that's pretty awful.

Steph, you're grounded from tagging for 2 weeks because this taggy-post's questions are just insane. I wanna meet the bloggers that say "yes" to some of these questions. It scares me. But I'm grounded too because I'm too lazy to think up anything better, except:

For ten million dollars, would you answer a bunch of questions on your blog?
YES, WHERE'S MY MONEY?! (I really just want the money people.)

Okay, so you're all vaguely tagged now because you read this. That's right, you and you and you. Don't ignore me damnit.

This is why she's called "Ninth Date Nadine".

I have a rule that Nadine doesn't get to meet any of my dates/boyfriends until after 9 dates. Even then I am extremely reluctant. She's really that insane. Check it out.

12:33 PM jen: hey, can you help me think of a name for Corey on my blog so i don't have to use his real first name?

12:37 PM nadine: HOW ABOUT DOREY?

nadine: OR BOREY nadine: NO ONE WILL KNOW

12:38 PM jen: nadine you suck

12:41 PM nadine: SERIOUSLY

jen: ok you're no help at all.

nadine: YOU COULD CALL HIM MAURY nadine: LIKE THE MAURY POVICH SHOW

jen: uhmmm

jen: i meant something that's not really a name, like a descriptive nickname. jen: not just something that vaguely rhymes with his name, you tar.

12:43 PM nadine: WELL, HOW BOUT FLOREY

nadine: OR WAIT nadine: FLOBERY

jen: okay NO MORE HELPING from you!!

jen: i was thinking maybe dreamgeek

nadine: ERRRM

nadine: STOP IT nadine: DONT DO THAT AGAIN

jen: you suck.
nadine: HA HA HA

12:44 PM nadine: WHAT ABOUT STUPID HEAD nadine: OR BUTT FACE nadine: HOW ABOUT FLUMGUTS

jen: seriously i will beat you

nadine: OK SERIOUSLY

nadine: HOW ABOUT MR. DREAMBOAT

nadine: OR MR. ONLY-THING-WRONG-IS-HE-ISN'T-A-VEGETARIAN. jen: where the hell did "flumguts" come from, you PSYCHO?

12:45 PM

nadine: I DUNNO, I WAS GOING TO SAY C*MGUTS BUT I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD WANT TO HEAR IT, BUT SINCE YOU ASKED

nadine: NOW YOU KNOW

jen: EW G*DDAMNIT

jen: seriously what is wrong with you?! nadine: I HAVE HEARD WORSE LAST NAMES THAN HIS, LIKE JOHN DOE THREE LEGS

nadine: AND JOHN DOE KILLS IN WATER 12:46 PM jen: wtf?!!!! jen: i am blogging this ENTIRE THING so everyone knows you are INSANE

nadine: DONT DO IT

12:47 PM nadine: OK ITS FUNNY ENOUGH TO BLOG, SO ITS OK

12:48 PM jen: oh i'm so glad you approve, crazy ass.

nadine: YOU ARE

nadine: LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU DO CAUSE I WILL WRITE A COMMENT TELLING OTHERS TO LEAVE COMMENTS TELLING US JUST HOW FUNNY WE ACTUALLY ARE

jen: LOL yeah YOU should really tell them what to think.

nadine: I KNOW I SHOULD

12:49 PM nadine: I AM TIRED OF PEOPLE READING OUR STUFF AND NOT LEAVING COMMENTS ON JUST EXACTLY HOW HILARIOUS WE REALLY ARE, CAUSE WE ARE AND WE KNOW IT. THEY MUST BE JEALOUS. I CAN'T BLAME THEM..... WE ARE F*CKIN HILARIOUS

12:50 PM jen: I know, maybe they read it and can only CRY because they are not as funny.

jen: i would.

nadine: I KNOW I WOULD TOO

jen: sometimes i do.

nadine: ITS SAD THAT PEOPLE AREN'T AS FUNNY AS US

jen: i know.

jen: let's feel REALLY BAD for them.

nadine: I KNOW IT

nadine: YOU HEAR ME PEOPLE? YOU CAN ALL SUCK IT nadine: SEE, THEY HEARD ME AND ARE MAD NOW

jen: oh no, don't make me lose my blog readers dude!!

12:52 PM nadine: I CAN SEE THEM, CAN YOU? WHAT ARE THEY THROWING? OH SH*T!!!! RUN FROM THE BOTTLES OF PISS! AAAAHHHHHH

nadine: HA HA HA

jen: ew nadine, now there is pee all over my blog.

12:53 PM

nadine: EWW, SMELL THAT? SOMEONE HAS AN INFECTION

jen: naDINE! oh my god!!!

nadine: WELL, MAKE THE BLOGSPOT PEOPLE CLEAN IT UP

jen: holy cripes nadine!!

jen: ok anyway, so i think Corey will just be Corey, because i can't think of a good name.

nadine: BUT YOU COULD THINK OF ANOTHER NAME, LIKE HANK nadine: AND THEN MAKE HIM JEALOUS

And if that isn't enough... here's what she said today:

nadine: are you his girlfriend now or is it just assumed?

11:11 AM jen: yes we talked about it and we are gf/bf

nadine: aww did Flobery ask you to be his girl fwend

jen: okay i HATE you

11:25 AM nadine: SO ARE YOU GOING TO THE BIG O SHOW? (a large business convention in Omaha)

nadine: JOE WILL BE THERE (Joe is Nadine's boyfriend)

11:26 AM jen: no, i can't. i have to worky work at the office.

nadine: CAUSE JOE IS GOING, AND HE IS GOING TO TELL WHOEVER IS AT YOUR COMPANY'S BOOTH TO TELL YOU TO PUT YOUR PANTS ON 11:28 AM jen: oh my god, I WILL KILL YOU BOTH IN YOUR SLEEP

My 2nd tagging: "Four Things"

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:
1. Retail/customer service at Nobbies Party Supply.
2. Telemarketer at Dial-America.
3. Freelance/contract designer for small marketing/design firm.
4. Graphic artist for a tent & awning co.

FOUR JOBS YOU WISH YOU'D HAD:
1. Singer/musician in a band.
2. Fiction writer/author.
3. Book cover designer.
4. 3d modeller for video games.

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN:
1. Spaceballs.
2. The Last Unicorn.
3. Run Lola Run.
4. Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind.

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
1. Omaha.
2. Omaha, NE.
3. Omaha, Nebraska.
4. OMAHA. Jeez, stop asking me!!

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH:
1. Lost.
2. The Shield.
3. My Name is Earl.
4. The Office.

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELED TO:
1. Denver, Colorado. (and all around there, to see Royal Gorge, Pike's Peak, etc.)
2. Kansas City, Missouri. (to go to Worlds of Fun with Echo!)
3. Halsey, Nebraska. (to go off-roading with my uncle.)
4. Minneapolis, Minnesota. (to visit the Mall of America and get into trouble with my old friend Sev.)

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. The Show with Ze Frank. (for: my daily comedy/news)
2. Google / Gmail / Blogger. (for: searching, email, & blogging, respectively.)
3. SiteMeter / Statcounter / Google Analytics. (for: being told that people like me.)
4. The Superficial / Gofugyourself. (for: celebrity bashing & celebrity fashion critique.)

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:
1. Bengan Bearta... an Indian dish of roasted eggplant sauteed with ginger, garlic spices, and potatos and PURE YUMMY.
2. Potato & Peas Polo... my all-time favorite dish from my favorite restaurant, Ahmad's Persian Cuisine.
3. "Cheesy Chips"... an invention I made because I'm lazy. Sprinkle your favorite shredded cheese onto your favorite chips and microwave until melty and good. My favorite: Some chedder shreds and some mozzerella shreds over Black Pepperjack Doritos. Adding salsa/ranch/sour cream/guacamole is optional and probably even more hazerdous to your health.
4. My easy-to-make vegetarian breakfast sammich: Microwaved chikin-patty (soy 'chicken' by Morningstar Farms) with an over-hard egg (a fried egg works the same) and 1-2 melted slice(s) of american cheese, all on a Lender's egg or onion bagel. OMG heaven.

FOUR THINGS YOU WON'T EAT:
1. Meat/animals.
2. Oranges or orange-flavored things.
3. Milk chocolate (Dark chocolate rocks).
4. Jalepenos and other really really really hot mexican foods.

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT OR DRINK RIGHT NOW:
1. A Subway salad WITH spinach (they still don't have it back yet at the one I go to).
2. Rum and coke sounds good right about now (it would make work more tolerable).
3. White cranberry/apple tea by Arizona (I can't seem to find this anymore!!!).
4. A bit of peanut butter fudge ice cream from Goodrich.

FOUR THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM:
1. HORDES OF SHOES.
2. My tv, computer, and stereo.
3. My dog's bed.
4. Pandas.

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM:
1. Space.
2. More bookshelves.
3. Less pandas.
4. Bigger closet for clothes/shoes.

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Brand new faded black jeans with very cool embroidery on the bum. (that's right, ASS EMBROIDERY.)
2. Black v-neck sweater with 3/4 sleeves. (I loooove this sweater.)
3. My 3 silver rings that I always wear. (I literally have permanent markings on my fingers from wearing these rings. They only come off my hands once a day while I'm in the shower.)
4. My comfy-but-falling-apart black & pink skate shoes. (It's really hard to find cute, cheap vegetarian sneakers/tennis shoes/skate shoes. My boss is like 2 days away from telling me to go buy new shoes.)

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. Vancouver, Canada or the beach in Oregon.
2. The zoo.
3. Shopping.
4. At home, not at work.

FOUR PEOPLE YOU'’D REALLY LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH:
1. Cheri Huber. (To tell her that her books taught me so much and I'd love to have her give me real-life meditation guidance/sessions.)
2. Tegan & Sara! (We'll pretend they are one person since they're twins. Uhm... okay that was highly offensive. If they read this they may hate me forever. And I mean two individual, completely unique hatreds.)
3. Kevin Devine. (I really just wanna see him in concert and get his autograph and ask him about his songwriting and maybe follow him out to his tour bus and...)
4. Ani DiFranco!! (Actually I would consider stalking her before anyone else on the list. Oh wait, wasn't this supposed to be about dinner? Somehow I turn everything into an excuse to stalk musicians.)

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW:
1. I am gonna have the coolest halloween costume EVER.
2. I hate my job... I must get a better one.
3. I wonder if my dog is sleeping right now.
4. Omg, he is SO awesome.

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS:
1. Animals, especially my dog Molly.
2. Buying new crap. Like, shoes, clothes, gadgets, etc.
3. Hanging out with one of my best friends: Nadine, Echo, or Ashley.
4. Spending 12.5 hours with him.

Hey, what gives? I thought you only had to tag 3 people minimum. I get that this thing is called "four things" but seriously people, I don't know if I know 4 people. I barely knew 3 from the last time I got tagged. I really like being tagged (makes me feel special), but having to tag other people is kind of a sucky job. But yeah... so here's the victims this time:

FOUR PEOPLE YOU TAG:
1. Mikala, who loves the Cards and Yada yada yada. (I tagged you last time, I know.)
2. Tiffany, who happens to be Queen of the World. (I tagged you last time too!!)
3. Nate, who is convinced that he is a Blog. (I am just tagging you for sweet sweet revenge. Plus, I'm sure you would make this into a really funny post.)
4. Steph, who appears to like Cars & Boston Cremes. (Aha!)

So, these "tagging" things really only serve to prove to everyone that I haven't made any new friends since the last time I did one of these... lol. Oh well.

Once again, my passive tagging rules apply, so you can choose to ignore this if you want to. :)

Girl meets boy.

Girl meets boy at Borders for coffee.
Girl decides in her head that she doesn't want to drink any coffee because she hopes to be kissing the boy by the end of the night.

Girl made a wise choice.

Also, boy read girl's ENTIRE blog...
...and still likes her. (whoa!!)

Hi.


(idea lovingly stolen from cars & boston cremes.)

A big fat hell yes.

I really don't know what to say in today's entry.

So, my default...

Chat from Oct 12th:

nadine: SHE WAS LIKE, "HOW'S JENNY?" AND I MADE SURE TO RUB IT IN THAT YOU ARE AN AWESOME FRIEND AND THAT YOU WERE MY FRIEND AND NOT HERS nadine: NA NEE NA NEE NA NEEjen: lol8:28 AM jen: was she jealous?nadine: SHE DIDN'T WRITE BACK YET, BUT I KNOW THE ANSWERjen: hah

nadine: ITS A BIG FAT HELL YES

jen: lol!

nadine: WHO WOULDN'T BE JEALOUS OF A FRIEND LIKE YOU WHEN ALL THEY HAVE ARE FAKE B-TCHES

jen: true dat

8:29 AM nadine: TRUE DAT?

jen: shut it

nadine: DID YOU PUT IN YOUR ONE AND ONLY HIP HOP CD THIS MORNING

jen: i can say true dat if i wanna.

nadine: AND GET SHOT

jen: well yeah.

jen: yo wicki wicki.

8:30 AM nadine: OBVIOUSLY YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR 'SUPER WHITE CHICK' SHOT FOR THE DAY

nadine: HA HA nadine: I GOT MINE nadine: I DOUBLED UP SO I AM SUPER WHITE TODAY

jen: i think that's an espresso drink at Starbucks.

jen: "Super White Chick Latte, extra foam"

8:31 AM jen: true DAT. dat's my drink, yo. jen: god i'm whizzle fo shizzle.

8:34 AM nadine: WHIZZLE? YOU PEED YOUR SELF FOR SURE?

jen: white, you cracker

8:35 AM nadine: CRACKA? WHAT B-TCH WHAT?

nadine: DONT MAKE ME SMACK YOU UP SIDE YO HEAD B-TCHnadine: THIS IS ME BEING ALL GOOSE NECKEDjen: i do what i want, i do what i want.

8:36 AM jen: *goosenecking* jen: uhm, NO i'm not necking with a goose, before you even say it

8:37 AM jen: i'm gonna post a new blog entry now, spazzo mcgee

8:42 AM nadine: WHAT ABOUT? ABOUT YOU MAKING OUT WITH A GOOSE'S NECK

My subconscious is such a slut.

On the phone with Nadine earlier this week:

Jen: "Dude, I'm nervous."
Nadine: Ummm... isn't it like a YEAR AWAY?
Jen: No, spaz.
Nadine: What are you so nervous for already?
Jen: I don't know...
Nadine, in a completely serious tone: It's not like he's going to eat your face or anything. If anything, just think of it like that.
Jen: (Almost driving into a tree from laughing so hard.) That's the best advice EVER.


The past month or so I have been finding these audio tapes for guided meditation to listen to before I go to sleep at night. I really don't have a lot of time/space/quiet to meditate any more unless I'm going to bed. So I thought this would be a great idea. I found a handful that are really great and usually they are so relaxing and soul-soothing that they put me to sleep within the first 10 minutes.

Let me just tell you what I learned: I really need to listen all the way through these tapes before I use them at night...

I found this new one last week that claims to be ideal for when you are just about to go to sleep. It was labelled "Deep Sleep Guided Meditations" or something. It was about 45 minutes long. Spoken by some guy with quite a low, soothing voice. He even had a cool Australian accent which I thought was quite unique from any other meditation tape I've ever listened to.

So, I have been listening to this same tape for the past 4-5 nights right before I go to sleep. I always fall asleep around 10-20 minutes into the tape, after he has done the standard breathing and relaxing exercises. There is a point where he starts counting down from 10 and usually I never even make it past the entire countdown. Well, last night I did make it past the countdown... and I'm glad I finally did...

Because I found out that it gradually turns into a soft-core porno.

I mean, it's not like it was dubbed over or editted in anyway... it's the same guy, same voice, but he just suddenly goes from the standard meditation breathing and visualizing techniques to... uhm, those kind of visualizations. I mean, it's starts off almost innocently, with him going from 'relax' to 'let me just massage your neck' to well, you get the picture.

Uhm, I'm not going to go into details or anything, but suffice it to say I was horrified listening to this last night. And I have been listening to this while I am sleeping for the past 4-5 nights!!! That is unsolicited porn in my sleep, people. I feel so violated.

The moral: Always listen all the way through; the track may be severely mislabeled.

Dude, my subconscious is way traumatized...

A new way to check comments.

Added a "latest comments" feed in the sidebar. It is right under Labels and right above Archive. You all know how I hate putting forth effort on my blog, so this was super easy to do... let me know if you want to know how and I will share my vast (and lazy) knowledge with you.

It will be a fun addition, I think. At least now it will be easier to record and advertise that people like me. :D I tried really hard to do the label-cloud thing but there are like more than 2 steps so I said screw it.

Before you say it, I know I have too much crap in the sidebar...

Also, how the hell do I left-justify certain widgets? I'm annoyed that the comments are right-justified. I looked at the html but it made my brain cells die.

Wanted: must love dogs, not just yourself.

Have you seen that movie Must Love Dogs? Yeah... me neither, it looked like it sucked. (What the hell happened to John Cusack? He has been doing a ton of that cookie-cuttered romantic comedy CRAP lately. I miss you, Martin Blank!)

Anyway, Must Love Dog's basic premise is that some chick writes in her personal ad that the guy "must love dogs". That's basically all you need to know, you don't need to see the movie now. (I swear to god this is leading somewhere...)

Anyway, that reminds me of a date I had about a year ago...

I met this guy in the wonderful world of online-dating and he seemed fairly normal, although he was probably too old for me at 30. Okay, and by "too old" I mean boring... because I've met 30 year olds that I got on with very well. And by "too old" I also mean he looked more like 45. Because of this guy, I now realize that 27 or 28 should be my age cut-off because a substantial portion of my thoughts/interests/hobbies revolve around things that are generation-specific. (But then... I always see "older" guys that are still totally hot and I don't even believe they are not under 28!! So... I have no idea what to do still.)

Anyway, we talked a bit and then decided to meet for lunch. (I really think that lunch is the best first date. It is just casual enough to be not be overwhelming for either party, and it leaves the entire evening open for bitching or squealing to my friends.)

We met at Ahmad's Persian Cuisine in the Old Market. As I have stated in a previous dating story, this is my favorite restaurant. The guy shows up in this huge old Cadillac, a true pimp car, the kind that my grandparents wouldn't even drive because it's so ugly and dated. I am a fan of old cars, believe me, but this one was just a joke. Of course I'd never judge a guy solely on his choice of vehicle, so I pushed the thought away.

Then I see him, and he's wearing a silk shirt with corduroy pants and, the icing on the godawful cake, socks and sandals.

This was in winter, people. There was snow on the ground. It was well past time to put away the sandals, not add socks to them. I know you love your sandals. I love sandals too. But I know when it's time to say "bye bye now, see you next spring".
Also, I am not knocking corduroy itself. I have a cute corduroy purse, my winter coat is corduroy, and I think corduroy blazers/jackets are sexy on guys in a retro/indie rocker/Sherlock Holmes kind of way: But I am saying that in pants-form it reminds me of my grandpa. That is all.

The silk shirt... should be self explanatory. Guys, if your shirt is more reflective than your date's shirt, then you have already failed. If you are not currently performing on a broadway stage then you have no business wearing a silk shirt. Period.

This is when I wonder to myself if Mr. Socks-and-Sandals here has ever had a girlfriend in his entire 30 years. See, a perpetually single guy will continue to wear these horrible things simply because there is no nit-picky shrew around to say "Good GOD is that what you're wearing?!" And believe me, you would have screamed that in your head if you saw this guy.

Anyway, so I decide to ignore the clothes, because obviously that is not what makes or breaks it. I may be a fashion-bitch in my mind, but I don't let it effect my actual judgements. (Especially when you consider that I have dated a cowboy.)

So, we're chatting over dinner and he remarks that the food is "not as good as his mother's". Oh man. Okay, I get that your mom was a great cook, that's great. But uhh, this isn't your mom's spaghetti and meatballs from scratch, this is Persian food from a very ecclectic and romantic restaurant. If you think this food isn't good enough, wait til you find out that I can't cook. So I tell him that I can't cook, because I figure it's about as good of time as any.

He says: But... you are going to learn, right?

He says it very slowly, as if I am completely useless to him without knowing how to make meatloaf just like his mommy.

Uhm... not for you, jerkface. I'll learn when I wanna learn, damnit. And when I do, it won't involve any meat, so you'll likely not be too thrilled about that either. I'm sorry, Mr. Socks-and-Sandals, but I am not a domestic diva, okay? I'd rather mow the lawn.

You know, I have this tiny unattainable fantasy of my future love and I working in the kitchen together at dinner time. Like, he will be making his meat-related crapola, and I will be making my microwaveable soy crap and/or side salads for both of us. And we are talking and laughing and sharing stories of our day while we make our respective dinners. It sounds kind of romantic to me, cooking together like that. I don't like the idea of one person in the kitchen making all the meals every single day. Why can't it be a fun time spent together after a long day at work? Yeah well. I can dream.

So, back to the story, I decide to change the subject and he suggests that we walk around the Old Market for a while. Only after complaining that the meal was too pricey. (It was under 25 for both of us.) When I tell him that I consider Ahmad's to be one of the more reasonably priced restaurants in the Old Market, he admits to being "stingy" and says he almost never goes out to eat because it's "a waste of money". (So, your 4 Cadillacs were not a waste?!) Oh my god.

Mr. Socks-and-Sandals is a talker (primarily about himself), which is fine with me, since I am quite shy and usually don't know what to say. I'm trying really hard to get to know him so I can find something worth liking about him, but the things he's talking about are putting me off more and more.

• He's extremely fascinated with 80's wrestlers, like Hulk Hogan and Jesse 'The Body' Ventura. Okaaaay... so everyone has weird interests, right? Totally normal although slightly quirky... right?
  
• He loves his 4 old ugly pimp cars more than life itself. Seriously. Who the hell has 4 cars? And not even one single practical car, just 4 completely useless and way-to-expensive ugly pieces of gas-guzzling crap.
  
• He really loves gardening... with his mother. SERIOUSLY!
• He likes football almost as much as his cars and mother. (I am borderline anti-sports.)
  

None of which interests me, even in the least. But I listen and comment politely. During a brief silence, I ask if he has any pets. Because hello, I love animals.

He makes a big show of being exasperated and says: You're not one of those dog people, are you?

Me: Uhm. Yes I am. (See Molly photo, stage right.)

Mr. Socks-and-Sandals: I don't get dogs.

Me, confused: What?

Mr. Socks-and-Sandals: I just don't get them. What is the point? They don't even do anything. You have to do everything for them. It's like having a baby for 15 years straight. I just don't see what the big deal is. It must be a woman thing.

Me, now trying to remember where I parked so I can easily escape this sexist dog-hating maniac: Uhhh, ok. It's not just a "woman thing". Haven't you ever heard of man's best friend? It's about loyalty and companionship... unconditional love and even more unconditional cuteness. Haven't you ever had a dog?

Mr. Socks-and-Sandals: Well, no, I've never had one before.

Me, feeling clever: But... you are going to learn, right?

Mr. Socks-and-Sandals: No, I don't see why I should have to own a dog if I don't care for them.

Me: Okay... Maybe you would if you had a girlfriend that loved them. (No response from him) So you just don't like things depending on you unless they are in Cadillac-form?

Mr. Socks-and-Sandals, perhaps realizing that I think he's an ass: Uhm, let's check out this bookstore here...

We go into this bookstore and I immediately see this book with a cover photo that looks just like Molly would have as a puppy. There's even the little grey goatee spot! (Though the spot has been growing a lot bigger now that she's 9.)

But jeez, so cute!

And... I bought it, squealingly, just to spite him.

People search for my blog?!

Thanks to everyone that complimented my blog's new outfit... it's actually one of the more customizable templates that blogger provides, so really all I had to do was change the colors. Yay for an acceptable amount of effort!!

Guess what, kiddies? It's Web Toons Tuesday!

For this first installment (or last) of Web Toons Tuesday (name/day/content is subject to change), we have a few of my favorite comics from Savage Chickens, a web comic by Doug Savage. The characters are mainly, you guessed it, chickens. And the comics are all drawn on post-it notes.

Enjoy:










If you like this comic, you can find lots and lots more at the SavageChickens site. It is updated each weekday, and there are even fun freebies like a downloadable theme song, wallpapers, and icons.

Web Toons Tuesday may or may not be a reoccurring event, depending on feedback. I am considering having an "assigned day" for my bullcrap that is completely irrelevent and also for fun linkies. Or like share my personalized Google homepage with Widget Wednesday or something.

I don't know damnit, but there will be alliteration involved!

On a blog/rant-related note: I find it very strange that there are people that Google-search my blog. And I don't mean that they are searching for some related topic and ended up here somehow. I mean that they are literally using the words "jenomaha" or something similar to get to my blog.

Is it that my friends are forgetting the 'blogspot.com' part and googling it instead? Or... do people google me when I tell them my Gtalk screenname? Dun dun dunnnnn. I hope you know that freaks me out. Can't you say hello at least?

"I'm cyber-stalking you, wanted to say hello!"

And why why why, do people come here and spend well over 5, 10, even 20 minutes on my blog, going from page to page, and more than likely reading any entry or two... and then they say nothing?!

Why can't you say hi, what is wrong with you? I can see my (few) regulars do that, but that I don't mind of course, I do the same at their blogs sometimes. But new people come and stay for a loooong time, and then apparently never come back.

Why did they bother? Are you morbidly shy, or is it one of those "if you can't say something nice..." things? Or are they just leaving the screen up accidentally while they go make themselves a sandwich?

Well, fine, I'll never know. But it would be nice if I could track you down, go to your blog, read half of it, and then say nothing too. Hah, that'll show ya!

So yeah, people like me shouldn't have site meters.