Thursday, October 19, 2006

My subconscious is such a slut.

On the phone with Nadine earlier this week:

Jen: "Dude, I'm nervous."
Nadine:
Ummm... isn't it like a YEAR AWAY?
Jen:
No, spaz.
Nadine:
What are you so nervous for already?
Jen:
I don't know...
Nadine, in a completely serious tone:
It's not like he's going to eat your face or anything. If anything, just think of it like that.
Jen:
(Almost driving into a tree from laughing so hard.) That's the best advice EVER.


The past month or so I have been finding these audio tapes for guided meditation to listen to before I go to sleep at night. I really don't have a lot of time/space/quiet to meditate any more unless I'm going to bed. So I thought this would be a great idea. I found a handful that are really great and usually they are so relaxing and soul-soothing that they put me to sleep within the first 10 minutes.


Let me just tell you what I learned: I
really need to listen all the way through these tapes before I use them at night...

I found this new one last week that claims to be ideal for when you are just about to go to sleep. It was labelled "Deep Sleep Guided Meditations" or something. It was about 45 minutes long. Spoken by some guy with quite a low, soothing voice. He even had a cool Australian accent which I thought was quite unique from any other meditation tape I've ever listened to.


So, I have been listening to this same tape for the past 4-5 nights right before I go to sleep. I always fall asleep around 10-20 minutes into the tape, after he has done the standard breathing and relaxing exercises. There is a point where he starts counting down from 10 and usually I never even make it past the entire countdown.
Well, last night I did make it past the countdown... and I'm glad I finally did...

Because I found out that it gradually turns into a soft-core porno.

I mean, it's not like it was dubbed over or editted in anyway... it's the same guy, same voice, but he just suddenly goes from the standard meditation breathing and visualizing techniques to... uhm, those kind of visualizations. I mean, it's starts off almost innocently, with him going from 'relax' to 'let me just massage your neck' to well, you get the picture.

Uhm, I'm not going to go into details or anything, but suffice it to say I was horrified listening to this last night. And I have been listening to this while I am sleeping for the past 4-5 nights!!! That is unsolicited porn in my sleep, people. I feel so violated.

The moral: Always listen all the way through; the track may be severely mislabeled.

Dude, my subconscious is way traumatized...

7 comments:

Reba said...

That is funny.

There should be a buyer beware on that thing. I mean what if you gave it to a young teen or something. That would have been bad news.

Michelle said...

Watch out - it could have been like a subliminal message type thing. Watch out for any Austrailians that you run into - you may just start massaging their neck and go from there! :0)

Vampire Friends said...

Dude, you should watch out for people trying to help you "relax" in that softcore porno sort of way. Its a lot easier for a vampire to puncture your skin when muscles are untense. And they enjoy biting in at the moment of climax.

Thanks for visiting my blog!

We should totally be friends on flickr! I'll make you a total insider on softcore vampire porno or um erm uhm not. But still, you shall enjoy!

http://flickr.com/photos/62773026@N00/

tiffany said...

jen!!!
help again!!
i did that thing you talked about (p.s. it took forever) and it's still not searching. can you come over?

i think you could totally be here by saturday.

Bob said...

I guess some attention is better than no attention (at least you're "gettin' some"!)...so...where can I buy this tape?? ;-)

Barb said...

That is scary... but also hilarious. Buyer beware =)

Echo Jones said...

Jen,
That would only happen to you! So were you listening to this tape when I spent the night at your house the last time? Cuz if you did, that is just slightly FREAKY! LOL!!!!!!!! I love it! Anyways you little porn star, I can't wait for Halloween! YAY!