Wednesday, September 13, 2006

But I'm in a band!

There is a bar that is a staple in Omaha for Echo and me. Eli's is just a small bar with a dance floor and a couple pool tables. They play good music. Real, quality, drunk-dancing songs like My Humps and "the banana song" and "to the window, to the wall". The kind of songs that I hear after a handful of beers and say "Let's go Echo, this is my song!"

It seems every single time we go there we end up meeting someone new and/or making complete asses of ourselves. It's a good time. We should really bring the camera every single time and take photos of these people we meet too. Definitely more stories to come on that whole 'making asses of ourselves' thing... no giving anything away in comments Echo! I need to keep these stories on hand so that I will appear less boring.

One Friday night in the fall or early winter of 2005, we head to Eli's as usual. I am the drunk tonight, so Echo orders a drink for me and a glass of coke for her. We take turns being the designated driver for safety. Not just the driving, although that is the main reason, but also the socially retarded reasons that come with drinking
wayyyy too much and being unsupervised. So we grab a booth towards the front of the bar, so that I can sit and drink until I am drunk enough to dance.

I forget what exactly we were talking about, but basically we were complaining that guys never come up and talk to us. And I was getting quite tipsy after a bit of this, so I said, "Okay the next single guy to walk by let's make him sit with us." Our booth is facing out towards the front door of the bar and also the main walkway around the bar itself, so there is a lot of traffic through there.

So, naturally the next guy to walk through is this sleezy-looking guy who looks #1 way to old and #2 sleezy and #3 not either of our types anyway. And what do I do? I drunkenly point directly at him and say "Okay, but not him."

Don't freak out, he didn't hear me say it! In fact, he must have thought we were checking him out since I am pointing at him and we are both looking at him. So he strolls up like he is Rico Suave and says "Hey, can I sit here with you ladies?"

We're not gonna be rude for no reason, so we say "okay" and he sits down next to Echo, across from me. We make introductions and polite small talk a little and then he announces that he's just come here from a date and he's supposedly meeting the girl and her friend there at Eli's in just a bit. He says, "Man, this girl, she was all over me the whole time too."

Echo and I look at each other. Sure she was, buddy.

"Didn't you just say that she brought a friend with her on the date?"
Mr. Sleeze says: "Well yeah..." pause to think of unnecessary lie, "I thought it was kinda rude for her to do that to her friend actually."
I'm drunk at this point and so I say: "Dude, she brought a friend on your date? Is she 13? Did you ask? You should have asked."
Mr. Sleeze laughs uncomfortably and says: "Yeah I thought it was weird too, but some chicks are like that."
Echo: "Yeah, they're 13 or under dude."

Hmm, Mr. Sleeze changes the subject for some reason.

He asks us our ages and we tell him we are both 21 (it was 2005 if you recall) and he says, "Ohhh man. Guess how old I am."

Ladies, it is never a good sign when a guy groans and then smirkingly asks you to guess his age. That translates to: "I know I'm too old for you but I'm a pig or just not smart enough to give up yet" and also "I can't wait to lie and tell all my friends that two 21 year olds were hitting on me." Echo and I make our guesses and are both wrong because it turns out this guy is 30! And all I can say to him is, "Wow that's old." (I realize when I'm older it will not seem so old, but at 21 anything above 25 sounds ancient.)

Then, the best part was when this guy starts randomly bragging himself up.

Mr. Sleeze: "Yeah, I've been playing in the band for a couple years."
Echo: "Dude, everyone in Omaha is in a band!"
Mr. Sleeze: "But, we're really good. I swear. Really, we're good."
Echo: "Uhmmm okay."

Did he really think that line would work? Oh, you're in a band?! Can we make out now? Suddenly all your other nasty qualities and the fact you said you were waiting on a date while hitting on me don't even matter anymore!

Anyway, so this whole time he is complimenting Echo and giving her looks and inching closer and closer to her, totally invading her space. The whole time that he is looking at her and bragging about himself, she is looking directly at me while I make faces at him and trying not to laugh. It's pretty bad. Finally he crowds her in so much that Echo jumps up suddenly and says she has to go to the restroom.

At this point, I'm fairly certain she's not coming back. And I don't blame her! I make some awkward small talk with Mr. Sleeze and strain my ears to listen for Echo's squealing tires in the parking lot. (I'm sure it's not that far to walk home...)

Thankfully, my dear friend doesn't ditch me with this Mr. Sleeze
(she wouldn't really do that, I know!) , and returns after a while and sits back down. Apparently Mr. Sleeze recognizes that he almost let this one slip out the door too, so he launches into his pitch finally. When I say pitch, I mean beg.

Mr. Sleeze: "So can I have your number?"
Echo: "Why?"
Mr. Sleeze: "Well I would want to call you some time. I think you're cute."
Echo: "No I'm not."
Mr. Sleeze: "Yes you are! I think you're very cute!"
Echo: "Why?!"
Mr. Sleeze: "Do you want me to give you my number instead?"
Echo: "No, I'm sorry. I really am not interested in dating anyone right now."
Mr. Sleeze, starting to get up from his seat, says: "So you don't want to go out with me?"
Echo: "No, thanks."

He literally storms off, out of the bar and into the parking lot. We watch him through the window until he is out of our line of sight. I look at Echo. "Let's stay here until close, ok? He could be waiting for us in the parking lot dude. That was borderline scary."

Echo says, "Dude, he was freaky. I'm surprised he didn't get on his knees and whine, But... but... I'm in a band!"


Echo Jones said...

First of all you forgot to tell everyone that he owned and ran his own business. Rember this super business that he owned and operated was in the Millard area. :) LOL

I almost forgot how creepy Eli's can really be. I also forgot how bitchy I can truly be. LOL I am just glad that it was my turn to be the DD. He may have been cute if I had a pitcher of beer and a shot. LOL

Anonymous said...

your page changes colors every time i read. its annoying. ~Jazz

Echo Jones said...

This comment is directed to Jazz. Jazz, this is not your blog. If you do not like the changing colors you do not need to visit here anymore.

The changing colors is a sign that my dear friend, Jen, takes pride in her work and is willing to update and make her blog look fresh and inviting for her friends and visitors. I personally like seeing the changes and new content that Jen works so hard to update on a regular basis.

So, JAZZ, if you are going to critique Jen's blog make sure you do it in am more constructive manner. You just sound stupid when you say, "your page changes colors every time i read. its annoying."

Anonymous said...

Well. I guess it's a good thing I don't mind sounding stupid. ~Jazz

Jen said...

Ok, Echo that's Jesse!

Jen said...

You guys try and get along, ok. Don't make me seperate you two.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I am sorry. Jesse, I will remove my foot from my mouth and only say nice things! :)

Anonymous said...

OK...WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD THIS STORY????!!!!!!!!! I laughed my ass off picturing you two in a booth with that creep...And almost cried from laughter when I see Echo jumping up and running to the restroom!

But on a serious note...Jen you hurt my feelings! 30 IS NOT OLD...You will understand this when you get to an age where 30 is a lot closer than 21!


Jen said...

Don't worry, you will get to hear all the stories Echo doesn't tell from me! Hehe. Usually she doesn't tell them because seriously they all start to blend together after going out as much as we did.

Well, I was thinking of 30 "being old" in the sense that he was almost 10 years older than us (we were freshly 21 at the time)... lol... so I guess I should rephrase that!

Not meant to offend, B, sorry!!! :)